on aging

Marble statue of an old woman, 1st century AD (Roman). Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Over the past several weeks, I have gotten up early just about every weekday morning. I wake up between 6:00 and 6:30 (or "in the sixes," as my sister-in-law would say). And as I rush around and drive to work at such an unhuman hour (at least, an unhuman hour for me), I have felt the effects of gravity. My face seems to sag that early in the morning. My eyes look tired and droopy. I feel like I have jowls on my face (which, luckily, I really don't). Sometimes I wonder if wrinkles are sprouting on my face the moment that I look away from the mirror. I just feel old. And my body feels old. Sometimes I feel like I've aged four years in the past four months.

With my thirtieth birthday approaching next year, I can't help but think about aging. I've never really thought much about being old (or being middle aged), because, well, I've always been young. And now I've started to realize that I care about being young (and looking young), at least a little bit. Since when did I care about that kind of stuff? This is an interesting realization for me, especially since I feel like I'm rather casual when it comes to my appearance. Sure, I wear a little makeup, but I can't remember the last time I wore something like a mud mask.

I'm psychologically adjusting to the fact that I'm not that young anymore. Maybe I'm just youngish? Or maybe I'm not even that?

feedback to buoy me up

Sometimes I feel like I'm working my brains and heart out this quarter, all to no avail. Even though I have had a lot of frustrating and difficult moments this quarter (especially with my online class and plagiarists), this afternoon I felt like all of the anxiety and stress was worth it. In my inbox, I found this email from a student:

"I just wanted to let you know how much I like the online class. It is one of the most fascinating classes that I have ever taken. I think you are a great professor. You have not just taught me about the art itself, but also to appreciate the artwork even more. . . Honestly, if I would have had you as a professor earlier in my college life, I probably would have been an art major...Thank you for teaching me so much about the history of art, I will never look at artwork the same way."

This email means a lot to me. After all of the stress, drama, and anxiety that has surrounded the past few weeks - I feel like I've made a difference.