Lucy's Tummy and Gluten-Free Recipes

Over the past few months we have switched to a more restrictive diet for Lucy. She started to complain about a hurty tummy back in January, and the past few months have included a series of doctor visits, as well as a failed attempt at a hospital lab to get her to participate in a fructose malabsorption test. This is an excerpt of an email that I wrote to my friend M-A about the invalid fructose malabsorption test, which we tried to do in early March:

"Today was an incredibly frustrating day for me. Lucy was supposed to have her fructose malabsorption test, and we spent the past 24 hours getting her ready with a special diet (I woke up early in the morning to cook chicken and rice!) and following all of the specific requirements. We woke up early this morning, brushed her teeth with only water, and drove down to Tacoma for the appointment. And when we got to the hospital, the tech asked Lucy to drink a large bottle of sugary fructose water in five minutes. I wish I would have known about this time limit in advance, because Lucy doesn't do well with those kind of constraints and she was caught off guard. She took a sip, and then froze up, refused to drink, and started to cry. I tried to coax her through drinking it for a few minutes, and she made about 2/3 of the way through the bottle before the time ran out. The tech said that the results would be considered invalid because of the delay and we would have to reschedule! I was nearly in tears when we left the lab.

So, we are not any closer to discovering the problem. I'm not sure that Lucy is mature enough to handle the requirements of this test. She might be better prepared for what would happen if we did it all over a second time, but I think I'll see if our doctor has other recommendations. I don't want to repeat what happened today!"

We haven't gone back for a test, but I think we have figured out some other things which are helping Lucy's diet. We have cut back on almost all dairy and are avoiding wheat, and those things seem to be helping. We have seen an allergist for testing but Lucy's test didn't show an allergic reaction to dairy or wheat, so perhaps it is some other GI issue. The allergist gave us a form so we can get celiac screening done at a lab, so we might do that. I suppose we should also see a GI doctor eventually, but it seems like most of her tummy problems are solved (as well as the chronic constipation that she has had for most of her life) if we cut out these things. I'm not sure if I want to go through the hassle of seeing another doctor only to be told that they aren't sure what is wrong and to just keep doing the things I am doing...

So now my new hobby is going to speciality grocery stores and trying to figure out gluten-free recipes that Lucy will eat. It is quite a change and I'm actually glad that I have only been teaching one class for each of these past two quarters because thinking about specialty food takes up a lot of time. I never wanted to have my life revolve around thinking about food and special diets, just as a reaction to how much of my childhood was spent driving to goat farms and wandering around health food stores. When all of these dietary restrictions started for Lucy, I told J that this was my worst nightmare. It's still kind of true, but it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm figuring it out.

I have a couple gluten-free options that have been working so far. Lucy will eat pasta that is made out of lentils that comes from Trader Joe's, as well as a couple of other gluten-free products (like bread, muffins, pancakes and granola bites) which come from that store. I've found some other gluten-free mixes for cakes, corn bread, muffins and brownies at QFC. My friend Rachael shared with me a recipe for mochi waffles that the kids like, and this might end up being the dairy-free and gluten-free replacement for Grandma J's waffle recipe that we have used for our whole marriage until this year. When I was visiting Rachael in Saint George last month, she also made some flourless chocolate cookies to take back to Seattle. Lucy liked those so we'll have to make them again. 

Tonight, however, was a disaster when I tried a new recipe. I saw a video to make these easy gluten-free chicken nuggets on Instagram (see a similar TikTok video) and they were absolutely terrible. I think they were hands down the worst things I have ever cooked, and that's saying something because I'm a pretty terrible cook. It ended up being a huge mess to make the mixture, in part because our food processor doesn't work well and I had to move everything to a blender. Then the consistency of the mixture was off; it was so goopy that I couldn't create nuggets that held their shape. (Was a supposed to bake the potato instead of boil it? The recipe just called for a "cooked potato," but maybe the potatoes absorbed too much water when I boiled them?) Then, after I added a little corn meal to firm up the mixture and tossed the semi-firm "nuggets" into the air fryer, they turned into these terrible, dense biscuits that didn't even taste like chicken at all.

Since J was out of town for work, I was under an extreme time crunch to finish dinner before taking Sam and Lucy to their evening lessons. Unfortunately, we ran out of time before I could make anything else. I couldn't bring myself to eat them but Sam didn't have a choice, because his cello lesson was about to start. Sam was a good sport about it, and he ate a few of them with ketchup before we hurried to his lesson. While he was at his lesson, I went shopping at Target and bought him something else to eat for the rest of his dinner. But when I picked him up, he said he was still quite full and that the weird biscuits were at least filling.

I said, "Well, don't worry, we won't be making those again. They were terrible." And Sam replied, "Yeah...they were...Chicken Mc-Yuck-Its." That made me have a hearty laugh. J appreciated the pun when we called him about an hour later.

Kitty-Cat Sweatpants and Growing Up

 I had a moment in the grocery store today, when I was shopping for Christmas pajamas at a Black Friday sale. I found a cute pajama outfit for Lucy that had a fuzzy red shirt decorated with ice-skating penguins. I debated for a moment in buying it, wondering if Lucy would like the penguins. And a random memory from elementary school popped into my mind. I was in fifth grade - two years older than Lucy is now - and I was absolutely mortified because my mom had bought me a red sweatpants outfit with decorated with puffed-paint kitty cats and a tiger stripe design. I felt like I was way too old for kitty cats then and I really resented it when my mom made me wear the outfit to school one day (I think it was Valentine's Day, which is why my mom insisted on red). And I realize that I'm getting at a point now where it is hard to choose Lucy's clothes for her. She wants to be her own person and often choose her own style. She mentioned in a school assignment last year that she's "really good at fashion," so I should let her enjoy that more. And hopefully I won't put her in a mortifying situation like the one I found my fifth-grade self in. 

There have been a few moments where she has liked the aesthetic that I choose for her still, and her school picture this year was a good compromise. I choose the outfit (a vintage floral print with a shirt and skirt), and Lucy choose the butterfly headband (she did not want a hairdo) and the necklace. She did not want a hairdo, but she did agree to let me put mousse in her hair to help tame/shape her curls. This may be the last year that I get to have that much influence, though. I need to let her make more of her own choices.

This is what the full outfit looks like (she also wore it on the first week of school):

And yes, I did buy the penguin pajamas, not because of the penguins but I think that she'll really like the soft fuzzy red fabric. And if she hates the penguins, then I'll look for something more "tween" next year. Or maybe I'll start letting her choose her own Christmas pajamas, so she can be the fashionista that she wants to be on Christmas Eve.

Sam is still really easy when it comes to clothes and almost always wants me to make selections for him. He just wants things that are comfortable (e.g. sweatshirts, t-shirts and Levi jeans) and have neutral colors. But he has gotten into the habit of wearing button-up shirts for his school pictures, and he just doesn't seem to question that or consider what other options might exist. Really, Sam doesn't want to spend any more time thinking about clothes than he has to. He usually gets dressed with whatever clothes he pulls out of the drawer first.

These kids could not be more opposite, and not just in their attitudes toward clothing. I'm glad I get to be stretched as a parent and learn about different ways to connect with and teach them. I'm learning a lot about myself in the process, too. 

Sam's Current Star Wars Projects

Sam lives and breathes Star Wars right now. Each day Sam listens to the podcast Star Wars Theory for at least an hour. He is reading The High Republic series and looks forward to watching The Book of Boba Fett on Wednesday nights. Today Sam came home from school and showed me this .gif of Darth Vader's Castle that he designed in his tech class:

For the final project in this class, he wants to make a short film that is supposed to be the ending a Star Wars fan fiction book (a possible series) that he has started to write. He has written about ninety pages thus far! I wonder where this love of Star Wars will continue to take him!

Narnia Halloween!

Well, we did it. After our brainstorming and a lot of costume prep, we had a Narnia-themed Halloween! It especially felt like I triumph because I wrestled with my sewing machine a lot on the day before Halloween, as I tried to get my dress ready. I had never sewn on a machine with the such different kinds of fabrics, ranging from a stretchy white dress, to a gauzy netting, to faux fur. And my sewing machine skills are pretty basic to begin with. I even enlisted Lucy as a helper to help lift up the foot of the machine so that fabric would not get caught in the needle or the bobbin thread. Later that night, I found a little piece of paper next to the sewing machine, where Lucy had been documenting our slow progress:

   1. So far, so good

2. Keeps getting stuk :(

3. Haveing trouble

4. :( The dress is cout (caught)

5. Takeing a while :(

6. Good again!

My friend Katie had sent me some tips on what she did when she was the White Witch, and I followed some of those. I also found a webpage that explained how to make an icicle crown out of crystal clear hot glue gun sticks.

J made most excellent runes on the Stone Table

Here is the final product! I was the White Witch, S was the Stone Table, Violet was Aslan, L was Queen Lucy of Cair Paravel, and J was the Wardrobe.

We had a chili cook-off with our Dinner Group and went trick-or-treating around the Roses' neighborhood. It was the most delightful trick-or-treating experience that my kids have had, I think, because the whole neighborhood was filled with kids, and it was still light enough to see and appreciate the costumes of the kids. Normally we are some of the only costumed people out in the dark neighborhoods.

October is always a really difficult month for me, because I tend to teach more classes in the fall quarter and there always seems to be more going on. THis year was no different. I'm teaching four classes this quarter, helping out with two different art programs at Lucy's school, and serving on the national board of the WMS. So adding Halloween costume prep into the mix always seems untenable, especially because midterms happen the same week as Halloween. But somehow it all came together, after a lot of hard work and late nights, and it is always nice to finally say goodbye to October with a fun evening.

When we were driving home, Sam said, "What family costume theme should we be next year?" And J immediately replied, "Store-bought costumes. Our family theme is that we will all be wearing store-bought costumes next year." Ha!

"School" Pictures for 2020

We didn't get a chance for regular school pictures this year, since schools have been completely online so far. I wanted to make sure that we could send updated pictures in Grandma Judy's birthday card and have new pictures for our 2020 Christmas ornaments, though, so last weekend Jeremy took some pictures with his camera. He did a good job photoshopping them to make sure the lighting was just right. Even Violet got a "school" picture taken, which is well deserved since she attends first grade and seventh grade Zoom classes on a semi-regular basis.

Both Jeremy and I were shocked looking at Sam's picture and realizing how old he looks now. I think he has grown at least eight inches this year; he now wears size 16-18 in clothes. He looks so grown up in his picture! Lucy confided in me that she thinks she looks "like she's eight" with her missing teeth, so she is feeling grown up herself. Her top two teeth have been missing for almost six months, but we are just starting to see one coming through her gums. We'll see if she gets to legitimately sing "All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" this year.

Lewis P. Quotes

I was cleaning out some old folders in my email account today, and I came across this short note that I recorded from five years ago (2015), back when Sam and his best friend Lewis P. were only seven years old. I have a vague memory of typing these overheard bits really quickly, during some afternoon when Lewis was over at our house for a playdate.

Any adult who has interacted with Lewis knows that he's a rare gem. He likes to speak in a matter-of-fact way and likes to use vocabulary that is educated and precise. I want to make sure that these quotes are saved for us (and Sam) to remember. I like that he associates jedis with ragged clothes:

• Lewis [while pretending]: But I don't look like The Chosen One. How can this be, when I have raggy clothes?
• Lewis [pretending to be a second person who is responding]: Well, that's what jedis wear...sometimes.

• Lewis [while praying over a meal]: "We hope everyone lives a long life. And we hope that you, God and Jesus, live long lives too." 

First Family Bike Ride!

When I was a kid, I loved riding my bike. For me, bike rides were a way to experience freedom and adventure. I could be by myself, go explore, and feel the freedom of independence. I especially loved going along the gravel trail that was in my neighborhood and seeing the Canadian geese at the pond. I would even take the trail all the way past my elementary school, and sometimes meet up with friends.

So, as an adult, it was hard for me to accept that Sam didn't want to ride a bike because I felt like he was missing out on those experiences. Ever since he was about five, he has stubbornly refused to ride one. For several years I came to terms with it, and accepted that his childhood would not be the same as my own. And for the past two years, I have been content with letting Sam ride his scooter alongside Lucy's bike.

But this summer, it was time for Lucy to get her training wheels off. If she was going to learn, then I thought this was a good time for Sam to learn too. Plus, with quarantine and the restrictions due to Covid, I felt like I wanted to put the pressure on Sam so that we could have another way to exercise as a family outside (especially since the Y is practically closed, and we aren't ready to go there anyway due to the rising cases). He kept on hesitating and deflecting my pleas, but we finally got him to agree by bribing him. We promised that we would give him the Mandalorian LEGO set that comes out this fall (for which he has been saving all summer), if he would buckle down and learn how to do it. It didn't take him long to agree to this arrangement. And so he learned to ride a bike, at twelve years old, through coercion and manipulation. But it worked!

With Lucy's training wheels off as well, both kids took time to practice riding in the long drive way across from our house. It basically only took Sam about two days to learn how to ride his bike. He got confident really quickly, and even exclaimed, "Why didn't I learn how to do this seven years ago?" In fact, Lucy noticed how quickly Sam picked it up and muttered to herself, "Why is he faster than me? I've been practicing longer than him..." And this is true, if you count the two years she has been on training wheels.

Regardless, they have both picked up well on bike riding. Lucy can get herself going on her own, and so far we haven't had a major fall yet. We have gone on several rides together, and this is now one of their favorite ways to earn "active minutes" (which then translate into every-other-day screen time). And Sam has agreed with me that bike riding does give a sense of freedom, which he likes. As a parent, I feel like I've finally succeeded in teaching him the joys of bike riding. And I hope he will also remember this experience of facing a fear, overcoming the challenge, realizing that the challenge wasn't that hard in the first place, and developing a love for something that he thought was a fear.

First time practicing on the Cedar River trail by our house. We've been back twice and also explored the other side of the trail by the Community Center and Carco Theater.

Our first bike ride with all four of us was this evening! We went on the east end of the Cedar River trail in Maple Valley. I thought this day would never come!

Latest Outdoor Adventures and Hikes

This first photo was taken on the same day as my last day of classes for the quarter. I took the kids to Sammamish State Park. As we walked around I kept mulling over how my last class session went over Zoom, and ways that I could have better taught the topic of Caravaggio's paintings of youths. This field of flowers helped me to focus better on the moment and on my two kids next to me. And I think it helped me to let go of the stress of online teaching from the past quarter, and begin to embrace the summer with my kids. Even though the last class didn't go as well as I had hoped (the students were understandably focused on the ongoing Black Lives Matter protests), I hope I'll have another chance to teach the Gender, Sexuality and Identity course at another time.

And so, my kids and I have slowly been transitioning into summer. They officially finished school last week, but we are still trying to have some kind of academic structure for them during the summer months. And luckily, they are interested in going on hikes and outdoor outings, since there isn't much else to do with museums, summer camps, and the Y closed. Here are some of the things we have been doing, with some things from last month too:

In the middle of May, J set up the tent for the kids to enjoy some backyard camping. That night Lucy only lasted about twenty minutes in her sleeping bag and asked to be taken inside to her own bed (so I slept in the house with her), but the boys slept outside all night.

Seahurst Park in May

Seahurst Park in May

We took a detour on our way to my brother C's wedding and drove past the Salt Flats. This is one of my favorite pictures of these two kids. The trip for the wedding was stressful and frustrating for me, in light of the ongoing pandemic and the need to social distance from my family, but I'm glad we could be at the wedding dinner for two hours to support C and S.

On our first day of true summer vacation, I took the kids to walk along the I-90 bridge into Seattle. We walked from Audrey Davis Park in Mercer Island to the Sam Smith Park in Seattle, and then back to our car. We went about five miles that day! The kids were mostly interested in the I-90 bike tunnel, which had some fun art. I think they felt like the bridge was too noisy with the nearby cars and busy with the bikes, but I think they liked the experience of walking along a bridge that is a familiar landmark.

I-90 Bike Tunnel

This outing to bike/scooter through the Snoqualmie Tunnel was a total bust, but it is worth including it since it took a lot of effort to get here with our bikes. We went here for Father's Day. Lucy got scared about 1/2 mile into the tunnel because it was dark, and plus the ground wasn't paved and completely flat to her liking. She got to a point where she wouldn't push her feet on the pedals, so I had to hold onto her bike handle with one hand and pull her and her bike along while I pedaled on my bike. Sam and J continued on for another mile, but Sam got bored in the tunnel and they didn't make it to the end. I don't think we'll go here again. I was pretty frustrated and I'm giving up on my dream of family bike rides.

These last pictures from today are evidence of a success story, though. I took the kids to hike to Talapus and Olallie Lakes. We hiked about seven miles round trip! Lucy was tired when we got to Talapus Lake and didn't want to continue on, but I got her to soldier on and even carried her for about a mile and a half. But for the most part, she did it on her own. This is a really nice hike because most of it is in the shade and he trail isn't very steep. The only real setback are the potholes in the road that leads to the trailhead; I wouldn't attempt this drive in a smaller car.

The kids pretended that the rocks were giants, like those from The Silver Chair or Frozen 2.

Talapus Lake - this lake is quite blue because it is exposed to the open sky. The lake is surrounded on a few sides by slopes with boulders

Olallie Lake in the background. This lake looks quite green due to all of the surrounding pine trees

Sam was really chatty on the way back when I asked him about The Alchemyst book by Michael Scott that he has been reading. E and T gave the book to him for his birthday. He told me about the plot in great detail. Lucy was listening carefully, and then she chimed in and explained that she and Sam are doing a pretend game that is a variant of the book's plot. In their game, she can create things out of silver and gold (due to her silver and gold "aura") and Sam is a scientist/alchemist who helps her. I'm glad that they have such fun together. It's cute to see them quoting "Bad Lip Reading" videos to each other and getting a kick out of similar types of humor.

Sam's 12th Birthday!

Sam is twelve years old! He had a special - and unique - day, despite some of the restrictions for Covid-19. He has grown a lot this year and always seems to be hungry, so we wanted to make sure that his birthday was filled with his favorite foods. We had crepes for breakfast, Subway sandwiches for lunch, and Panera mac & cheese for dinner. He even surprised us by choosing a birthday dessert that was not brownies this year: he saw a picture of chocolate lava cakes in our recipe book and asked that we try it:

Sam got lots of books from his family members and friends, which is great because I want to make sure he has plenty to read, since we will likely be spending most of our time at home this summer due to the virus. He also got some LEGO sets from us, including a Bantha, Tusken Raider minifigure, and also an AT-ST walker from the Mandalorian series.

At lunchtime, we ate Subway sandwiches and had a birthday celebration in my in-law's garage! It was raining and we couldn't stay strictly outdoors, but we opened the garage doors to have air circulation while we visited at a social distance across the garage. I bet this is the only time Sam will have a birthday party in a garage!

Sam also received a fun candygram and oversize balloon from the Hong family, which was special. We caught the Hongs as they were leaving the gift, and got to say hello to them from a social distance. I feel like the Hongs and the Roses are like our kids' surrogate cousins, aunts, and uncles.

One of the things that I thought was special, is that Sam and Lucy chose to spend their allowance money on Harry Potter wands. On Sam's birthday I let them come into the store to see the toy aisle, if they promised to wear their masks. It was the first time they have been in a physical store since March. They chose some "mystery" Harry Potter wands. Lucy ended up getting James Potter's wand, and Sam ended up getting Snape's wand. They spend much of Sam's birthday afternoon playing some sort of Harry Potter wand game up in Sam's room. Sam also got a little music player for his birthday, so that he could listen to his Spotify playlist offline, while in his room. While they played, the Harry Potter film score music from Sam's playlist appropriately accompanied their game.

I think the most special thing for Sam, though, was that he got to see his two best friends, Lewis and Judah, this weekend. Due to the lockdown restrictions, he hasn't seen his friends in person for about three months. The restrictions have eased slightly so that people can have outdoor gatherings, but you are only permitted to see five people outside your household over the span of a week. The boys sat and chatted for most of the time, but we did serve a pizza picnic lunch and they played a round of bocce.

He sure has grown a lot this year. He is about as tall as me, and he can slip his feet into J's sandals (although they are still a bit big on him). His voice has gotten lower and he looks more like a teenager with each passing day. Still, though, Sam is his constant and cheerful self. He is such a great kid. He's responsible, caring, obedient, smart, and very kind to his sister. I have no doubt he will graciously play with his sister this summer too, even at times when he'd rather do something else. Tonight Lucy wanted to hold his hand on our family walk, and even though I could tell he'd rather not hold hands anymore (he feels too old for that), he sweetly acquiesced and they held hands down the hill. I'm sure proud of him.

Lately he and I have been reading The Ickabog online (J. K. Rowling has released it on her website as a gift to children during the pandemic), and it's been fun to read a fantasy book out loud to him again. I hope we have many chances to read together this summer. Even though he gets older, I hope he doesn't outgrow his love for fantasy and fiction.

Maps of Fantasy Lands

A week or two ago, Sam and Lucy spend their "Creative Time" part of the school day creating different drawings. Sam created an elaborate map that was inspired by Lord of the Rings and Narnia maps, and I'm really tickled by how Sam took the pains to write everything in a fancy script. He usually doesn't take so much time to carefully draw and write! They have been carrying Sam's map around, along with a long wooden staff and a magic spell book, as part of a pretend magic game.

After a few days Lucy decided to make her own map too. You can see that she tried to section of her land to look similar to Sam's map, but the creative names for her lands are very much her own ideas. You can tell she is trying to appeal to Sam by having a "Cello Land" in the upper right corner. I'm really glad that she was so excited to work on this map. It has been difficult to get to her to be motivated to practice her handwriting (we had a standoff about how to write the lower-case letter "g" last week), but she wanted to write her letter forms carefully when she worked on this map.

I am so grateful that these two get along so well and have fun pretending with each other, especially during this lockdown when they don't get to see their friends from school. Lucy thinks Sam is really funny. Today she was thoroughly amused when Sam kept pretending that Lucy said "plants are gross" when she actually said "plant grows." He knows how to make her laugh, puts up her demands, and overall they have a good time together.

Sam's Covid-19 thoughts

This is the essay that Sam wrote for a Language Arts assignment:

What I've been doing in quarantine

I have been sticking to the schedule my parents have made for me and my sister. At 8 wake up, 9 eat breakfast, go on a walk to get my dog outside, the list goes on until bedtime. My most favorite part of the day is Creative time and Electronics time. During creative time I either read (I am reading Ender’s Game and Fyre), play with my sister Lucy (who goes to Hazelwood), or sit in my room and do something creative. I don’t think I’ll explain Electronic time because the title is a little self-explanatory. Currently (at 2:02 pm) I am in Electronic Academic time and next I will do Electronic Games.

Later today I will be going outside for the first time in about 8 hours. I will be either walking my dog, playing in my large lawn, or still inside because my Dad is taking a nap and my Mom is working.

"Reflections" Today and Reflections on Today

I haven't pulled up this blog for a long time. The past few months have been a whirlwind, and they aren't slowing down! I can see from my last post that I never got a chance to finish writing about my trip to Brazil or processing my thoughts from my trip. I'm sure I will revisit my photos, especially when I teach my class on Brazilian art again. I remember being so surprised at the large scale for some of the silver objects in the Museu da Arte Sacra. These were objects I had taught about for several quarters but didn't know the scale since they weren't included in my textbook.

But that's not why I sat down to write for a minute. Today has been so busy: I gave a final in one class this morning, finished grading finals and submitting grades for another class, and hosted the Reflections art celebration at Lucy's school this evening. J is out of town too, so there was more juggling that needed to happen with caring for Violet, school dropoff/pickup, and food prep. And in the midst of it all, I was able to squeeze in an hour to video chat with my family today, on the tenth anniversary of my mom's passing. But with so much going on today, I haven't had a chance to decompress or reflect on the significance of this anniversary until now. So I'm writing out my thoughts to help embrace and reflect on the melancholy I feel.

Today I didn't always feel like the best mom. I wasn't terrible, but I did feel some stress and frustration with Lucy as I was trying to prep for this Reflections celebration. They weren't big things, but I got exasperated when she claimed she needed to go to the bathroom just one minute after driving away from our house, and then again expressing frustration at the two separate meltdowns she had right as we were trying to leave the door to set up the event. And my frustration made her cry even more. (At least in the moment I paused enough to notice the irony of how I wasn't feeling like a great mother, on a day when I'm inclined to think loving and grateful thoughts about my own mother. I tried to backtrack and make some loving comments to Lucy to compensate.)

How often did my mom get exasperated with her kids? How often was she frustrated by last-minute holdups or curve balls that threw off her plans? Did we annoy her at times? I remember her expressing frustration and raising her voice in order to catch our attention, but those don't really stand out to me as a big part of my childhood. And as I reflect on my childhood as a parent myself, I think my mom took a lot of the chaos of parenting in stride and didn't let small scheduling things bother her. I could be wrong, but that's how I perceived things as a kid. I can only hope that my kids will think of me in a forgiving light.

One of the other things that I have thought about tonight is sacrifice. My mom sacrificed a lot for her kids, and personal sacrifice was important to her in a religious and moral sense. I think that this is one way that I can feel connected to my mom in some ways, because I think that sacrifice is a way to build character and encourage you to think outside of yourself. Although I need to think more about the things that I do sacrifice (like my time, which is utterly precious to me) and the reasons why I make certain sacrifices. Even with this Reflections celebration today, I think that I sacrificed my limited free time to do it partially for Lucy (since she likes art), but moreover because I wanted to help contribute something to the community and support the arts. And I'm wondering if this is the right kind of sacrifice that I should be making (since it seems like less of a sacrifice if it is something I want to do), or if I should put my energy toward other things that might be more noble or character-building?

I am glad, though, that Lucy was pleased about getting her ribbon and participating in the both the contest and the ceremony tonight. She likes to feel like she is involved in the comings-and-goings of her school community. So maybe I can continue to think about my (continued?) involvement with this annual school event as something for her, if this ends up being important and very meaningful for her.

When looking at this picture earlier tonight, I thought about how my mom would have loved to meet this cute little granddaughter of hers. She would love Lucy's creativity and imaginative mind. She would admire Sam's maturity and continually-cheerful disposition. I wish they could have gotten to know her.

The Phantom Returns

We just finished a very successful Halloween season. Sam was a dementor (from Harry Potter) and Lucy was a flamenco dancer. J went as Bob Ross and I went as a witch. But a day or two before Halloween, Sam started talking about the costume that he wants to wear for Halloween next year. He said that he wanted to be the Phantom of the Opera, which surprised me because I didn't know that he was really familiar with that character. Anyhow, he started peppering me with questions about the Phantom and his costume, and finally two nights ago I pulled out my soundtrack of the original London cast so that he could hear. Since then, he's listened to the soundtrack several times, and he sings along with the help of either the lyrics book or sheet music. He's listening to it now while I type. He has also started to figure out how to play the songs on the piano, and last night he watched the 2004 film on Netflix. Lucy is getting into the spirit of Phantom too, and she tries to squeakily sing the high notes that Christine Daae hits.

It's really fun for me to see this sudden and intense interest in The Phantom of the Opera, because it reminds me of how I became obsessed with that show when I was just a year older than Sam is now. My dad took our family to see the show when we lived in Denver, since one of his patients was the understudy for the Phantom. I remember we had really good seats too, in the front and only about six rows from the stage. I was blown away by the set, music, and costumes, and then after the show we got a backstage tour from this patient, which made the whole event utterly unforgettable. I became obsessed with the show. I even remember finding a book at the library with the contact addresses of famous people, and I wrote a letter to Michael Crawford to let him know how much I loved his voice.

At this time, I had converted the closet of my bedroom into a reading room. I had pulled in some pillows and a lamp so I could comfortably read while sitting on the floor. I remember reading Gaston Leroux's book and comparing how the phantom Erik was different from the one in the musical. I thought the phantom was the epitome of masculinity back then, which is funny now.

Sam isn't interested in the phantom for his "masculinity," but he likes how the phantom is spooky and plays the organ. He's impressed with how he knows his way around the opera house and can pull off creepy pranks. And he likes the idea of wearing a fancy mask, hat and suit for Halloween. We'll see if he ends up wearing this costume next year. Regardless, I think this interest in the musical is going to last for a while. And this is fun for me, since I get to relive my own past a little bit and think about what it was like when I was about Sam's age. So far Lucy has been the one who is keenly interested in musicals, but it is apparent that Sam has a little bit of my genes too.

Sam is Ten!

Sam is ten years old! It has been a busy day trying to make sure that he has felt special and celebrated. Everything worked out and he really did have a good day. In between the busy schedule of the day, I've had a few moments to reflect on how I entered parenthood a decade ago when Sam was born. I feel like I am in the thick of parenthood right now, and sometimes it is hard to remember a time when I didn't have children. But at the same time, I feel like the time has passed so quickly from when Sam was a tiny little baby and a tiny little boy.

I know I've written this before, but I am so struck with how mature Sam is for his age. He is always willing to obey my requests for help. He is very good with Violet and always steps in to help when we ask him to. He doesn't complain or talk back to me, and is very kind and patient with Lucy. He is still imaginative and will occasionally pretend some type of role-playing game with Lucy. Most of the time, though, his pretending is inside his head, when he makes his Lego figurines interact with each other.

Sam loves to play games on the computer. Lately he has been very interested in playing the Roblox games, and we are starting to explore the dynamics of playing games online and what it means to play interactive games with other friends online. He is only allowed to accept friend requests from people that he personally knows, and he is very good at following this rule.

Sam still likes to play the piano and is starting to take the initiative to learn songs outside of his lesson books. Over the past few weeks, he learned how to play "The Sound of Silence." He knows it well enough that he can play it slowly (as written) or sometimes with a sharp allegro beat. Right now we hear that song a few times a day - and often he sits down to play it as we are trying to walk out the door and go somewhere!

Right now Sam just earned his Webelos badge in Cub Scouts, and he will be working on his Arrow of Light for next year. As of now, he isn't interested in continuing onto Boy Scouts, which is fine with me and J! Sam has also been participating in the Drama Kids before-school program on Fridays. Even though he feels a little out of his comfort zone, he has been a really good sport and I think that he has enjoyed learning the script and thinking creatively about his character role.

Sam still loves to read. We read A Wrinkle in Time earlier this year together. He also read The Hobbit with Jeremy a few months ago, and now they are reading The Fellowship of the Ring. This year he also has been interested in reading the Origami Star Wars books, and he liked reading Inkheart with his class. He still loves comics. Since he has finished the library's collection of Garfield and Calvin and Hobbes books, he has tried some Dilbert and also FoxTrot comics.

Sam loves one-on-one conversations and is very chatty if you get him talking about something that he is interested or excited about. He mostly is chatty if he is explaining the features of a video game. For his birthday he asked for money so he could get some "Robucks" to by Roblox avatar features and games. We spent quite a bit of time this afternoon talking about the avatar features and the different things that he likes in Roblox.

We love Sam!

Opening presents in the morning

Wearing a new Star Wars t-shirt from the F-family. Sam wanted chocolate crepes with whipped cream and strawberries (as well as some eggs) for his birthday breakfast.

A Harry Potter team shirt from the Hawaii S-family!