Goodbye Violet

We had to put Violet to sleep on April 30th, just about a week after her eighth birthday. We had thought that her cancer treatments were working and she was making progress, but things took a wrong turn and fluid started to fill her lungs earlier in April. Once she began to struggle to breathe, we could tell that it was only a matter of time before her quality of life would plummet. We didn't want to see her suffer. I was really glad that we had an in-home vet come and help us to say goodbye to her in our home. We were all there.

It was a very sad time and I had several big cries in the following weeks. I asked J to help me get rid of the dog things in the house, because it made me too sad to see them. I remember going on one long run on the trail in our neighborhood and listening to Carole King songs, and intermittently crying on the trail during different songs. I turned off notifications on my phone sometimes, including on my birthday, because I didn't really want to talk to anyone. We went down to the Enchanted Forest that weekend and tried to distract ourselves.

It took me a while to be able to write this post, not just due to lack of time (we have been moving!) but also my emotional bandwidth. But I feel like I am in a good place tonight, and I want to celebrate My Lovey Girl. I loved to give Violet ridiculous nicknames, mostly because she clearly had no idea what I was saying and why the nicknames were ridiculous to begin with. Vivian and I used to give over-the-top silly nicknames to our little sisters when they were tiny ("Milly Willy Huggy Hilly Lovey Lilly Silly Gilly"), so I'm sure I was tapping into my childhood while calling Violet silly names. 

Most nicknames involved some mixture of these words or similar ones: "fluffy," "bum," "lovey," "heart," "day," and "face." I will try to remember all of the ones that I have said to her (and I'll have to come back as I am reminded of more or my family reminds me of more):

• Bummy Cheeksie Love
• Fluffiest of the Fluffies
• Fluffiest of the Fluffs
• Fluffy Bum
• Fluffy Bummy Cheeksie Love
• Fluffy Bummy Face
• Fluffy Bummy Girl
• Fluffy Bummy Squish
  
• Fluffy Face
• Fluffy Squishy Bummy Love
• Loviest Heart
• Loviest Heart of the Fluffiest Day
• Loviest Heart of the Squishiest Day
  
• Loviest Girl
• Lovey Girl
• Lovey Heart
• My Babiest Love
• My Babiest Love of the Heartiest Day
• My Heart of Love
• My Lovey Baby
• My Loviest Girl
• My Loviest Girl of the Heartiest Day
• My Squishy Lovey Heart
• Smooshy Face (when she woke up from a nap and her fur was smooshed over to one side
• Snuggle Bum
• Snuggle Bummy Heart
• Squishy Face
• Stanky Leg Girl (when she would sit with one of her back legs pushed out straight at an angle - we called this her "stanky leg")
• Trouble Bum
• Trouble Heart
• Troubliest Trouble Bum
• Troubliest Trouble Heart
• Violet Beauregarde
• Waggle Bum
• Waggle Heart
• Wiggle Bum
• Wiggle Heart

We miss just about everything about Violet. We even miss reprimanding her and telling her to stop barking at the neighbors, and we miss getting amused at her belligerent silent barks (when we would tell her to stop barking while in the yard, and she would stare at us and give silent barks to let us know that she wasn't going to fully obey). We sure miss all of her quirky ways, too. We miss finding random bones on the front porch or in Lucy's room. We miss having her silently stare at us while standing at the front door, willing us to know that she wanted to go out. We miss watching her carry her food in her mouth from the dog bowl to the carpet, so she can eat only on carpet. J and I miss holding her while we drive (she loved sitting in the driver's seat best) and getting her to nestle just right into our laps on the driver's side, with her little forearms on either side of our arm. We miss seeing her sitting on top of the couch or the chair, especially when she would extend her back legs behind her and do a "spread eagle" move across the top of the couch.

We really appreciate the kind friends and family members who sent small gifts. One of them included the drawing at the top of this post that my brother A commissioned by cousin H to create. It looks so much like Violet!

Now that we are in our new house, I keep reminding myself that it was nice for Violet to spend her whole life at our old house. It had plenty of carpet (her favorite surface), a big yard (we called it her "estate"), and a high porch so that she could look down (literally and metaphorically) on everyone who walked past. She wouldn't have been as comfortable here. We tried out best to make her feel comfortable and happy her whole life, right up until the end. Goodbye, sweet Loviest Heart of the Squishiest Day. 💜