Handel, but also Ukraine and Bach

Tonight I finished a piano dress rehearsal at Benaroya Hall. It is the first time that my choir has sung there since December 2019, due to the Covid pandemic. The last time we sang there was Handel's "Messiah" with Matthew Halls as the guest conductor, and it seems fitting that our choir is coming back to Benaroya to perform another Baroque concert with Matthew Halls again. He is a delightful person with an inspiring passion for music, and I remember feeling like I had a once-in-a-lifetime experience when I sang the "Messiah" under his direction. I feel very lucky to get to sing Baroque music with him again, and it truly feels like a special, unforgettable gift.

We are singing two Baroque pieces, with the major piece being Handel's Ode for Saint Cecilia's Day. There are some really amusing and clever things that happen in this cantata, and it's fun to sing the words "the double double double beat" in the tenor soloist's aria (see 20:52 in this clip when the tenor sings it for the first time). We repeat words like "charge, charge, charge, charge" and "hark, hark, hark" in that number, which also is fun. Our chorale director Joe rolls his eyes and thinks that Handel's lacking in some creativity here, but I think all of the repetition and diction-heavy words creates a lively song.

I also like how the imagery of our first number ("From Harmony, From Heavenly Harmony") is related to the creation of the world, as if the world was created through music and harmony (a fitting concept, since Saint Cecilia is the patron saint of music). And at the end choral piece ("As From the Pow'r of Sacred Lays") has some interesting imagery of music "untuning the sky" as if the end of the world will also be brought about by music, as part of a divine plan. It also is fitting to have music "untune" as a great finale to the cantata. It is a fun piece to sing and Handel is predictable enough that I feel like I'm getting a chance to sing something akin to the "Messiah", which I haven't been able to sing for the past two holiday seasons. There is even a trumpet solo to make me feel right at home with this new Handel piece.

All this being said, tonight I feel like joy of singing again, especially the sheer pleasure to sing Baroque music under a talented conductor, is also bittersweet. And it's not because we have to sing wearing masks. I realize that singing is a luxury which many do not have right now, although I'm not thinking about Covid but the conflict in Ukraine. Tonight Maestro Halls was talking to our choir about how the timing for our second piece, the motet Der Gerechte kömmt um by Bach, is especially perfect and appropriate given the suffering and darkness in the world right now. This song, which uses the text of Isaiah 57:1-2, speaks of how those who are innocent will die and the world doesn't seem to care ("no man lays it to heart" and "none considering"). Matthew Halls even pointed out how the word "Unglück" that refers to evil and destruction, is associated with bad luck or "the unlucky." This is the translation:

Der Gerechte kömmt um

Der Gerechte kömmt um,
und niemand ist der es zu Herzen nehme;
und heilige Leute werden aufgerafft,
und niemand achtet drauf.

Denn die Gerechten werden weggerafft vor dem Unglück;
und die richtig vor sich gewandelt haben
kommen zum Frieden
und ruhen in ihren Kammern.

The Righteous Perishes

The righteous perishes,
and no man lays it to heart;
and merciful men are taken away,
none considering

that the righteous is taken away from the evil to come;
And those who walk in their uprightness
enter into peace
and rest in their beds. 

I certainly feel like this text, especially the first part, can relate to the innocent people of Ukraine. I have been following the news on the war with a heavy heart, but today my heart has felt particularly weighted down with the news that a Russian airstrike attacked a maternity hospital in Ukraine. Those mothers, who either are expectant or just gave birth to a child, are experiencing terrible trauma - even death - at a time that should have been one of the most wonderful moments of their lives. It's gutting. Is "none considering" the plight of these poor people and the evil that is inflicted on them?

I will be thinking of Ukraine when we perform this weekend. I feel very powerless in this situation and don't feel like I have many options for helping, besides offering financial support for humanitarian aid. But this weekend I will also lift my voice in song - an elegiac song.

Lucy and the Pandemic

 

Lucy made this self-portrait earlier this month, which depicts her in her bedroom. I love that she included details like window, her heart stained-glass decoration, her three dolls (Blondie Bloom, Felicity and Molly), as well as three of her Lego sets (camping, Poppy from Trolls and the hair salon with a pair of scissors on top). The closet is marked with a snowflake, because Lucy thinks the air in her closet is cold instead. And best, of all, the window overlooks our yard, and Violet is dutifully barking at a neighbor who is walking past with their dog.

When I saw this self-portrait, on one hand I loved to see a happy girl who was smiling in her room. And I think she is genuinely happy. But I also couldn't help but think about how that bedroom - and our house - has been so much of what she has known the past two years because of the pandemic. Sometimes I lament about how her childhood is so strange right now - the other day I got a little emotional realizing that she was not going to get the "recorder unit" in her music class because the kids can't blow on recorders and expel their breath into the classroom air.

I've also been reminded of how Lucy's childhood is so different because Lucy and I have been reading the Betsy-Tacy books by Maud Hart Lovelace. We are just about to finish the fourth book in our Betsy-Tacy treasury, which is the last one! And while the girls in those stories lived about a century ago, some of the things they experience are timeless parts of childhood: playing with friends, using your imagination, and exploring the outdoors. I wish Lucy had a friend who lived across the street, so they could spend going to each other's houses, and spending their free time imagining and pretending together. She does have some friends that she likes, but the pandemic has prevented us from doing too many playdates.

And I realize some things can't be helped or changed. Hopefully the virus will get under control, of course, but we may never have a little girl move into our neighborhood. I am glad, though, that she has her brother to play with. It's not quite the same as a little friend that is your same age, but she really loves Sam and is really happy to spend time with him. And I'm glad that she does have one friend that she is getting to "grow old" with: Abby H. I like thinking about how Lucy and Abby have known each other just about their whole lives, and I like that they have a history similar to how Betsy, Tacy and Tib go through different adventures in each book as they grow older. Abby doesn't live across the street or even in walking distance, but I'm glad we can drive to her house in just 10-15 minutes.

Flexibility

I was following along with a yoga video this morning, and the instructor said something that stood out to me. She said that the body and mind and interrelated, and that mental health corresponds with physical health. I had heard this before, but she put it in terms of flexibility by saying something like this:

“A flexible body creates a flexible mind. A strong physical body creates strong mental health.”

This month has been full of stressors: positive stress with fun visits from family and events with friends, but a lot of negative stress with Grandma Judy’s poor health and death last week. The day she passed away was a ill-gotten confluence of both stressors, since her health declined rapidly at the Enchanted Forest, while the kids and I were there with my sister L and my local aunt, uncle, and cousins. We were in the best of places experiencing the worst of times. Lucy and I said goodbye to Grandma via FaceTime, while we were standing in line for the bobsled ride and cheery synthesizer music blared out of speakers nearby.

I’ve been anticipating a lot of upcoming stressors, too, especially as we travel for the funeral during the Covid pandemic. I got a massage yesterday (as part of Carrie’s birthday celebration) and I could feel a lot of physical tension in my body that needed to release. A lot of it did release, which really helped me to feel better. But I want to have a flexible and calm mind too, especially on this trip. I think I’ll do stretches and some yoga each day, especially while traveling, to try and work on my mental flexibility and health.

To Age Gracefully and Willingly

I've been thinking a lot about age over the past few days. One of my best friends, Rachael, turned forty last week, which has prompted lots of reflection and celebration. Rachael, Carrie, and I went to the MarQueen Hotel to celebrate, as we have all been fully vaccinated - it was the first time I had been in a hotel in over fifteen months due to the pandemic! We took a lot of pictures, although I couldn't help but reflect on how we looked old in the pictures. Not just young moms, but like seasoned moms on a middle-aged "girls" night. Which, in truth, that is what we are: seasoned moms who have been raising our kids together for the past 10+ years.

I'm not even forty yet, but Rachael's birthday (and Carrie's impending 40th birthday) have made be reflective. There is so much that one can accomplish in the first forty years of life, and it also make one wonder what is left in store. And it just so happens that this week other articles about Millenials turning forty came out, stating that it is the "old age of youth" (the term "geriatric Millenials" has gone viral over the past week or so) and that better things happen when one is in their fifties. I guess we'll see how the next decade pans out for me and my friends!

These things about aging were in the back of my mind yesterday, as I was listening to C. S. Lewis's "The Last Battle" on audiobook (read by Patrick Stewart, who did a fantastic performance). I was struck by this quote about Susan Pevensie, who at this time must be in her late teens or twenties:

“Grown-up, indeed,” said the Lady Polly, “I wish [Susan] would grow up. She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she’ll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that way. Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one’s life as quick as she can and then stop there as long as she can.”

This quote has made me think about what period in my life do I want to enjoy the most, and I hope that my answer will continually be "the present." I'd rather not spend time wishing that I was trying to stay at a time in my life that has already passed me by. Of course, I want to keep my body as healthy as possible, but I think that's different from trying to stop myself from aging or wish that I was a different age. I hope that I can be a person who is content about their stage in life and the things that happen to one's body with age. If I'm going to be a seasoned mom of older kids right now, then so be it.

Running during Covid

I have been thinking a lot about why I have been running so much during this pandemic. On one hand, logically, being outside is a way to combat cabin fever. But running is so much more than that, I’m realizing. During the day when I am at home, I am often frazzled as I try to work. I am constantly, constantly interrupted and hardly get a chance focus on a single task for ten minutes at a time. As soon as I start to do something, Violet barks and wants to be let out, or Lucy needs my help with something. Or Sam wants to ask about what we are having for dinner. Or one of the kids needs to practice the piano or listen to a video for school. For most of the day, I can’t do anything in a straight, linear fashion from beginning to end.

 

But I can do exactly that when I am running. I can choose a long (linear) road and follow it until my desired goal. I don’t have to stop unless I decide that I want to. I am not interrupted, and I can think about whatever I want to think about. I always am in a better mental space when I finish running, and when I return home I feel more prepared to deal with the multitasking and being pulled in many directions at once.

I know that for many people, it is comforting and relaxing to run because their body moves in a constant, rhythmic pattern. I think that is the case for me too, but I think my mental health really responds to being able to accomplish a goal in a direct, linear, and controlled way.

Addendum:

2/17/21: I was thinking about this post today, as I went on a run along the west end of the Snoqualmie River Trail (starting at Rachael's house). The trail was wide, flat, and very straight; it went ahead as far as the eye could see. And I really loved how the trail was laid out in this very direct way, so that my goal and end point seemed viable.

This is such a lovely and peaceful trail! This is part of Rachel's regular running route (it is about 6.5 miles to run there and then back to her house). I'm glad she gets to enjoy this beauty on a regular basis.

This is just after the Mt. Si Golf Course

I loved seeing the tall trees that lined the path

The end of the trail

I was struck by so many different colors and types of water along this trail. Some sections were frozen, but here the water was a pretty green color

It was invigorating to smell the dried hay in this field as I was making my way back to the beginning of the route

A More Balanced Routine and Virtual Distance Challenges

Things have been more manageable for me, work-wise, since the quarter started and I submitted my CAA video presentation. I've been able to relax more in the evenings, and I'm so grateful for the work that I did during December that has enabled me to shift my focus elsewhere this quarter.

I still don't feel like I have a perfect balance in managing my time, but things are better. I usually wake up in time to eat breakfast and get the Lucy ready for school (Sam gets himself ready just fine, but I usually do have to come down and get him started.) If I don't teach that day, then I stay in pajamas and grade/prep for the two hours that Lucy is in class. I change into exercise clothes when the kids finish their morning classes, and we try take Violet for a walk during the lunch break. In the afternoon, I help Lucy with her schoolwork and play with her for a bit, and I work in some time to exercise. I'm usually showering at 3:00 or 4:00 in the afternoon, but it doesn't really matter since we aren't going anywhere beyond the our neighborhood streets, the grocery store or to pick up our library books at the "holds" table at the library's front door.

Since I'm not overwhelmed with work for the first time in several months, I've had more chances to read books and I've also set my sights on some other goals. I discovered The Conqueror virtual distance challenges, and these have been a good way for me to fight cabin fever (through exercise) and feel like I'm getting to "travel" despite the pandemic. I've been using these challenges to set goals for exercising and running. The challenges cover routes around the world, and you can use Google Street View in the app to see what it looks like on the route. I completed the Giza Pyramids challenge last month (46 miles in about 10 days), and right now I'm going the Hadrian's Wall challenge (I'll do 90 miles of running for the month of February) and the English Channel challenge (21 miles in about three months, using the rowing machine to cover 1-2 miles per week). I may to the 480 miles of the Camino de Santiago by biking.

The Giza Pyramids challenge was fun to complete and I liked "visiting" the Djoser necropolis as well as the one at Giza. I learned some new things from the virtual postcards, too! My Giza Pyramids medal came in the mail, and I was delighted to find that the winged scarab opens up to reveal a small scarab pendant inside. I translated the back of the pendant and discovered that it says, "Well done." I love that they made the pendant meaningful and that there is something small I can wear on a regular basis. On the back is a relief of the crocodile god Sobek, which is copied from a relief at Kom Ombo.

I hope to be able to complete the 26.2 mile Inca Trail challenge later this spring, and run my own personal marathon. I hope my legs and knees will be up for the challenge! I've been building up my mileage each week, and I've really loved the runs along Lake Washington. Yesterday, it was so beautiful at Coulon that I kept stopping to take pictures. The textures of the water varied from glassy smooth to frenzied ripples. There were lots of varied colors too, since the sun went behind the gray clouds just far enough to have everything outlined in light. It felt wonderfully motivating to run - feeling my physical body at its most "alive" state with my heart pumping - with such a view. I like I was an active participant in nature, and felt in harmony with the beauty that I saw around me.

Tangible, Concrete Covid Reactions

This week one of my very best friends, R, is burying her father. R's dad died on Sunday due to complications from Covid. The illness was swift. He caught Covid, was hospitalized, and died within roughly two or three weeks. My poor friend has been in shock, especially since she believed that "statistically" he would be able to rally and survive. I admire how she is keeping her eye on positivity, and looking for strength in the love she feels within her family, including her love for her dad. She is a much better person than me and I hope her grieving process is not as complicated as mine was with my mom's passing.

R's dad was just a few months older than my father-in-law. R's dad did have some health concerns, although he was well enough to go golfing on a regular basis and was preparing to go on a fishing trip. His death has made me think more about my own family members, and I'm grateful for the precautions that we have been taking this year to make sure my in-laws are safe.

Although I never knew R's dad, I am grieving to see my dear friend grieving. And this death has made me reflect more on Covid, but in a personal way that is less abstract. Although we have dutifully stayed home for the past nine (almost ten) months, and that confinement has felt very real, the actions that we have done have also seemed difficult to pinpoint as productive, since we haven't had people in our local circle catch Covid, let alone die. But maybe that's the point: perhaps people have been healthy because we have kept our distance. My disciplined approach to staying at home has been for this very reason: to protect the vulnerable, including my in-laws.

However, this death has hit home in a new way because it is concrete. It is something that will forever impact the life of my friend, her family, and her children. My mind is still wrapping around thinking about Covid in this tangible way that connects to someone I know and love. Just last night, I mindlessly made a passing comment to R and C about the virus in a trivial tone, which I immediately regretted. I apologized for being so thoughtless given the context of what R is experiencing, and I've been thinking about that incident since it happened. There really is nothing to joke about with this virus, beyond perhaps the day-to-day absurdities that result from spending so much time at home. This virus not only is a physical threat, but it threatens our emotions, our economies, our livelihoods, and our relationships with others.

And, given this new personal perspective on the virus, I hope to continue to think about this pandemic in an even more purposeful and conscientious way. I haven't been dismissive of the pandemic in my actions and, for the most part, not in my words. But I can see first-hand how comments that downplay the severity of the virus (along the lines of "I'll take my chances" or "it's not that bad") dismiss the experience of others who are suffering or grieving a loved one. And I think it's important to be especially careful in what we say and express, because with the rising death toll, there is a chance that you are addressing someone who is grieving or suffering in some way.

2020 Reflection and 2021 Goals

 I realized this afternoon that I never made a true goal or resolution for 2020, beyond the goal to use up the hoard of NuSkin facial products that I amassed when I used to work there. I guess the lack of a real goal is for the best, because the pandemic through our lives into survival mode. I am proud of the things that I did accomplish, though, including:

• I taught eight classes during 2020, not to mention helping to teach my kids at home from March until the end of the year. All of the university courses I taught had some type of distance learning or online component. The one class that actually was in a physical classroom (ART 103 in Winter quarter) still was taught as a hybrid.
• In the Winter 2020 quarter I created and taught a course on American art (while simultaneously learning the material one step ahead of my students, since I never took a class on American art when I was an undergrad). I also had to learn how to teach in a Distance Learning format, in which I was in a classroom in Sammamish but my lecture was broadcast to a classroom in Ellensburg. There were some challenges getting students to engage in this format, but it helped to prep me for synchronous Zoom teaching in the Spring quarter.
• I created and taught a course on Gender, Sexuality, and Identity in Renaissance and Baroque Art during Spring 2020. I had a basic idea of the things that I wanted to cover, but I still was learning and developing the course one step ahead of my students), as well as converting to the course into an online format. I learned a lot while teaching this class, especially from my LGBTQ students, and I was grateful for the opportunities to think more about inclusion, equality, and equity. 
• I feel like I am learning more about how to be a better professor, not only in connecting my course material to topics that are relevant, but also in how to give empathy when needed. George Floyd was killed near the end of the quarter, which ended up impacting me directly because one of my students at the time was related to Floyd and needed to travel home. The subsequent protests generated dialogue with my students that helped me reflect on how to best teach and meet the needs of my students.
• Hiking the Snoqualmie 7 Summits with Carrie and Rachael was the other great highlight of this year for me. I'm grateful for friends who want to go on hiking adventures and readily take on challenges that require effort.

In thinking about 2021, it's difficult to even think about what goals might be realistic. I've been writing a paper on William Morris (to present at CAA later this winter) and I'm so impressed with all of the things that William Morris was able accomplish in his life. I want to make better use of my time, so that I can have more time to be outdoors, as well as read and write things that are meaningful and inspirational to me. So here is how I will create more time to do those things:

• When I am home (which is pretty much all the time), I'll keep my phone upstairs on my nightstand unless I am expecting a call/text
• Check social media only once or twice per week
• Check the news only once per day (and as the pandemic dies down, I might be able to switch to 2-3 times per week)
• Read a book if I wake up early and don't want to get out of bed
• Write on this blog at least once per month
• Write on AW at least once per month

Thanksgiving 2020: Din Tai Fung!

We had a quieter-than-usual Thanksgiving this year, in an attempt to follow the local recommendations for social distancing. I didn't feel like cooking a huge Thanksgiving feast if it was only going to be the four of us, especially since Sam and Lucy don't like traditional Thanksgiving food that much. So we decided to order Din Tai Fung, which is a rare treat for us that we eat only once or twice per year. Everyone was happy and excited with the choice. And, as a result, we were able to go for an outing to Seward Park in the middle of the day, since we didn't have to stay home and prep food.

Lucy wasn't excited about walking around the park, but she was interested in a bike ride. So she rode her bike while I ran alongside her, and the boys and Violet had a leisurely walk at their own pace. I am grateful for this girl, since she motivates me to run faster and longer than I normally would if I were on my own. She would say, "Ready? Runnnnnn!" and then pedal away to get me started. And she even decided that we would go at a "speedy speed" race up a hill, so I definitely got a good workout before our feast with this little personal trainer!

As we were driving home from the park, we got a notification that our food was being delivered about ten minutes early. We rushed home and found the food waiting on our porch - we missed the driver by just one or two minutes. I quickly showered after my workout and everything was still warm when we ate. We had boba smoothies, soup dumplings, chicken dumplings, rice paddies salad, tempered green beans and pork buns. It was delicious!

Lucy is laughing in this picture because her chopstick is stuck in the middle of the bun. She was spearing it in an attempt to pick it up and eat it.

The chocolate dumplings were delicious and most of us said that eating these dumplings were our favorite thing of Thanksgiving. The molten chocolate is so delicious.

After eating our good, we went to RB for a socially-distanced, bring-your-own-dessert gathering with Bop, Gram, Susie and Dave. It was quiet and different, but I'm glad that we got to see some family on this holiday and express our gratitude to each other for all that we have and enjoy.

"School" Pictures for 2020

We didn't get a chance for regular school pictures this year, since schools have been completely online so far. I wanted to make sure that we could send updated pictures in Grandma Judy's birthday card and have new pictures for our 2020 Christmas ornaments, though, so last weekend Jeremy took some pictures with his camera. He did a good job photoshopping them to make sure the lighting was just right. Even Violet got a "school" picture taken, which is well deserved since she attends first grade and seventh grade Zoom classes on a semi-regular basis.

Both Jeremy and I were shocked looking at Sam's picture and realizing how old he looks now. I think he has grown at least eight inches this year; he now wears size 16-18 in clothes. He looks so grown up in his picture! Lucy confided in me that she thinks she looks "like she's eight" with her missing teeth, so she is feeling grown up herself. Her top two teeth have been missing for almost six months, but we are just starting to see one coming through her gums. We'll see if she gets to legitimately sing "All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" this year.

Zoo Lanterns

We hardly have any holiday events to do this year, due to the pandemic. However, the zoo is still open for outdoor events and it is hosting a "Zoo Lanterns" attraction this holiday season. I was a little apprehensive about going, but it sounded like all the right precautions were in place and I appreciated that masks were required for entry. We chose to go on a day that was slightly rainy, too, which helped to limit the crowd size. It was so nice to be on a family outing and to feel like we were doing something special! Here are some of my favorite pictures:

We liked this frog because his eyelids were both blinking, but at ever-so-slightly different times and speeds

Covid is a Worm Hole

When I was a sophomore in college, some friends took me and my roommates out to go caving in Nutty Putty Cave in Utah Valley. There is a specific area of this cave that is nicknamed the "Worm Hole," which is so tight that one person can barely fit in the hole and you have to crawl through on your belly. This also means you can't turn your body around go backwards at any point - you have to commit to going through the tunnel in one direction. While I explored the other caverns of the cave with my friends, I opted to sit out and not do the Worm Hole. I knew I would feel claustrophobic and didn't want to feel like I might get stuck.

Anyhow, recently I've had a recurring dream in which I'm tunneling through the Worm Hole. I can't go backwards, but I have to keep going forwards if I ever want to get out. It's a stressful dream. Last time I dreamt about it, I had a hard time falling back asleep. (And, in the past few weeks with the stress of the election and work, I haven't always slept that well.)

I think that my brain is processing Covid in the context of this Worm Hole, especially as the weather gets colder and it is apparent that we'll be spending even more time stuck indoors. As is the case with the narrow tunnel in the cave, I can't go back and turn around. I can't reset. I just have to keep crawling forward, even if the context is suffocating and it's difficult to see when the experience will end. And, while some days are better than others, sometimes it really does feel like I'm crawling through the day. 

Zoom's Influence on Film Criticism

The kids are watching “Lord of the Rings” and in one scene the camera repeatedly cuts between close-up views of the characters’ faces as they conversed. Lucy said, “This is just like a Zoom where it goes from person to person!” I guess that's the kind of reaction you have when you are doing online school and use Zoom for a few hours a day!

Lucy's Tip Toe Breaks

One of the cutest things about Lucy's online school during this pandemic is that she comes down the stairs at 10:00 every day for her ten-minute break during Zoom. She's anxious to quickly get her snack and chat with her friends via Zoom before the break ends, so she quickly tip toes down the stairs and does this little tip-toe run to the pantry, gets her snack and whispers a decline to my suggestion for a drink of water ("No, I'm okay") and tip-toe runs back upstairs. I'm not sure why she tip toes, but I think it is supposed to encapsulate her urgency and maybe also her independence as she gets her snack?

J pointed out that she sometimes holds up her Z-Bar as she tip toes away, saying, "I'm gonna eat this..." So maybe she also tip toes so that she thinks she'll escape notice and get away with her sweet snack choice? I don't always let her have those chocolate and iced-oatmeal bars as a regular snack, but I have been pretty lax about it since school started. Nonetheless, she keeps tip toeing, and it is really charming.

Unplanned Blustery Day

Today didn't go as I thought it would, largely due to the strong winds that we experienced today. Not long after the kids started their Zoom sessions, the power went out. They had enough battery life on their devices to keep their computers on, but we had to turn my phone into a hot spot so that they could get back online. We set it up in the hall, so they could both get reception from their different bedrooms. I needed to work too, so I huddled on the floor in the hall to try and grade midterm exams. It was a silly and uncomfortable way to perform an already tedious task.

I didn't get too much work done in the early afternoon, either, since I was helping Lucy with her schoolwork. I planned to get more work done while Lucy was on her last Zoom call of the day (with the Hazelwood "specialists": the P.E instructors, music instructor, and librarian). But not long after her call started, Sam came running inside to tell me that a portion of our maple tree had blown down in the wind.

I've really loved this maple tree over the past few years; it grew really quickly in the years after we bought our house and has become a nice source of shade. It looks like part of the trunk has rotted, though, so I'm not sure if we will be able to keep it. We are lucky that the tree didn't fall down a few more inches to the south, or it would have hit our cars in the driveway.

I'm sad that we have a big gash in our trunk and a big hole in the body of the tree boughs

The kids were really excited about cleaning up this project - this fallen tree is one of the most exciting things to happen during a pandemic, when you're staying at home all the time and all the days seem the same! They both wanted to help so I had to teach them a few tips about tool safety.

As we cleaned up the branches, I gathered a few of the leaves from the branches that had started to change color. I'm sad that most of the fallen leaves didn't get a chance to brilliantly ignite with autumn color one last time. And I'm sad that that portion of the tree won't have as much color anymore. Hopefully we can keep the tree - I'm not sure since it looks like there is some rot. But if we do get to keep it, I hope the tree boughs will fill in again so we can enjoy a rich palette of color in the years to come.

And even though this day didn't go as planned, a lot of good things happened. I'm glad that it wasn't raining when the tree fell down, and I'm grateful that the cars weren't damaged. We also had a really fun end to the day, where the kids made up this contest to make the weirdest face and the weirdest dance. We all participated in the contest, including me and J. It was nice to send the kids to bed on such a high note, after we all had a few belly-laugh-until-you-cry episodes.

Pandemic Favorites

 Tonight at dinner we began to compile a list of all of our favorite things that have happened as a result of the pandemic. These are the things we said thus far, and I'll add more to this list as they arise. I hope they an help us to keep a positive outlook about this pandemic, even as it wears on and things also seem hard:

Me:

• Not having to commute; getting to spend more time in the morning sleeping and exercising
• Not having to make school lunches for kids
• Getting the kids to learn how to ride bikes and going on family bike rides
• Getting to go on daytime hikes during the summertime, since J was home with the kids and I could leave
• More time together as a family
• More time to work in the garden
• Dad is home right after work and can cook dinner instead of me

J:

• Getting to have more game time as a family
• Getting to take breaks in the work day and be with his family or play piano
• Not having to be stuck in traffic for his commute
• Likes getting to make dinners (so he doesn't have to eat mine - although he was too nice to say this part out loud)

S:

• Getting to stay home all the time and never leave (he said this a little sarcastically, but he also kind of means it)

L:

• Likes that we get to play games as a family

Austen and Journal Amusement

I've been listening to an audiobook of Northanger Abbey (read by Juliet Stevenson) lately. I haven't had much time to listen, apart from when I'm watering the flowers. But I hope that I'll get to listen more frequently, once I'm able to start running outside again. (There have been terrible wildfires in on the West Coast lately, and Seattle is covered in a thick blanket of smoke. The air quality fluctuates between the Unhealthy, Very Unhealthy, and Hazardous levels. We haven't really gone outside for several days, except to water flowers or get groceries. And it looks like the smoke will last for at least four more days. It's just one more crazy thing to add to the stress and craziness of the Covid-19 pandemic. This year has been unbelievable in terms of hardships and natural disasters.)

Anyhow, the audiobook is quite fun. Stevenson reads the text a little bit faster than I would have liked, but her inflections and delivery capture the silliness of Mrs. Allen and the wittiness of Mr. Tilney. I was so amused by this passage, that I listened to it several times. Mr. Tilney has been dancing with Catherine Morland at a ball, and he had this teasing exchange with her:

“I see what you think of me,” said he gravely — “I shall make but a poor figure in your journal tomorrow.” 

 

“My journal!” 

 

“Yes, I know exactly what you will say: Friday, went to the Lower Rooms; wore my sprigged muslin robe with blue trimmings — plain black shoes — appeared to much advantage; but was strangely harassed by a queer, half–witted man, who would make me dance with him, and distressed me by his nonsense.” 

 

“Indeed I shall say no such thing.” 

 

“Shall I tell you what you ought to say?” 

 

“If you please.” 

 

“I danced with a very agreeable young man, introduced by Mr. King; had a great deal of conversation with him — seems a most extraordinary genius — hope I may know more of him. That, madam, is what I wish you to say.” 

 

“But, perhaps, I keep no journal.” 

 

“Perhaps you are not sitting in this room, and I am not sitting by you. These are points in which a doubt is equally possible. Not keep a journal! How are your absent cousins to understand the tenour of your life in Bath without one? How are the civilities and compliments of every day to be related as they ought to be, unless noted down every evening in a journal? How are your various dresses to be remembered, and the particular state of your complexion, and curl of your hair to be described in all their diversities, without having constant recourse to a journal? My dear madam, I am not so ignorant of young ladies’ ways as you wish to believe me; it is this delightful habit of journaling which largely contributes to form the easy style of writing for which ladies are so generally celebrated. Everybody allows that the talent of writing agreeable letters is peculiarly female. Nature may have done something, but I am sure it must be essentially assisted by the practice of keeping a journal" (Northanger Abbey, Chapter 3)

As someone who likes to write in a journal (and blog!), I was amused to think about trivialities of journal writing. I'm sure many of the things that I write down are trivial, and really only important to me. Sometimes I don't even know why I write things down, other than that I want to think about them further in that particular moment as I write. I don't anticipate "constant recourse to a journal" and re-reading my entries at some point, although I do go back to read previous entries occasionally. But I don't really think about chronicling things for personal future amusement and recollection. (At least not in my personal journal. I do put things in my art history blog to have as for future reference.) And I'm not sure if I want others to read my journal in the future. Maybe? Or maybe only some entries that my kids would find meaningful? I'm not sure how much to share or what is worth sharing.

The exchange in the book continues on to think about females and writing, with Mr. Tilney's observation that both men and women can excel in writing, singing, and drawing. He says, "In every power of which taste is the foundation, excellence is pretty fairly divided between the sexes." It seems clear to me that Jane Austen is expressing her own opinion here, and not just Mr. Tilney's!

Current Coronavirus Thoughts

 It has been about almost six months since we started to quarantine, in efforts to avoid the coronavirus and prevent its spread. It has been interesting to observe how my reaction to the virus is very different from many of the other people I know. I know I'm a fastidious person by nature, but I didn't realize how fastidious I would seem in relation to others. It's hard to feel so helpless in this pandemic when I see rising numbers, especially when I am trying my hardest at the same time to do as much as I can. 

I feel a keen sense of social responsibility in this pandemic. I also pride myself on being a consistent person, and sticking with something even when it is hard. I'm trying to just focus on this social responsibility and consistency from my individual perspective, and not feel disappointed or judgmental when I encounter others who do not act the same way that I do. But I have to admit that I do feel worn down and listless without the support of like-minded people. Today, when I made arrangements to drop something off at a person's house, they took the initiative to forewarn me that they would not be wearing a mask when they came to the door. That text message made me feel confused and deflated. Do they not believe in the virus? Maybe their personal comfort is more important to them than my health and well-being? It's hard to know how to interpret that warning, and I'm trying to just let it go and focus on what I can do.

While I am focusing on trying not to judge individual people, I do think that I can make an assessment on the American psyche from a historical standpoint. I agree with Martha L. Lincoln, a medical anthropologist and historian, who said that "national hubris and belief in American exceptionalism have served us badly" in this pandemic, and I agree. Ever since the colonial period, (white) American settlers promoted the ideology that America was different and special. And, assuredly, it was special to those who found refuge from persecution or a chance to start a new life. But, at the same time, it's important to recognize how this mindset led to a constructed ideology about America, which led to things like the Second Great Awakening and the belief in Manifest Destiny in the 19th century. As America grew in power and economic strength over the centuries, the hubris of our nation also rose too. And I think that has gotten us into trouble. Americans aren't known for their humility or malleability, which is a shame.

I would like a "quick fix" to the virus just as much as anyone else. Instant gratification is part of today's cultural expectation, and a vaccine for the virus would surely make things easy. But if I need to run a marathon, then I can and will. I can stay home and do my part. It makes me more uncomfortable to assume that I am an exception from other people.

Newhalem Camping and North Cascades

We just got back from a very fun family camping trip up to North Cascades National Park. Our kids love camping, but they seemed exceptionally excited for this trip - I guess because we don't normally go anywhere during this coronavirus quarantine.

We planned this trip only about a week in advance, so we ended up getting the only site that was available in our time frame. But we loved it! We stayed at Newhalem Creek Campground, at site #129 off of Loop A. It was a walk-in site, but we loved it because we got away from the cars and most of the people. We felt pretty isolated, which was nice. J and I both said that we might want to keep staying at walk-in sites in the future, for that reason. When we go back, we think we'd also like to try site #121 off of Loop A too, because that one is right next to the Skagit River (and #124 seemed like a decent option by the river too). I think we might like this campsite better than the Colonial Creek campgrounds, because there aren't as many people.

There was a bird that must live in the trees near our campsite, because it kept singing for most of the mornings and evenings that we were there. We never could see it, but its song was very long and distinctive with a lot of trills, staccato notes, and ascending/descending scales. We kept trying to figure out what it was without success, and I finally downloaded an app on my phone to help with identification. It is a Pacific Wren, and its call is so pretty! You can listen to it here.

Violet found a cedar throne. Lucy also commandeered the cedar pile and would use the rotting wood pile to hold her stick staffs upright

We got to go on several hikes, and some of them were right in our campground area. On our first day we went to the Rock Shelter trail to see an ancient native shelter. This trail is also within walking distance of the Trail of the Cedars Nature Trail, and the signs were informative and interesting (although some were outdated). We liked seeing the power station, too. Here are some of the things we learned:

• How to identify Oregon Grape, with its serrated leaves and waxy blue berries
• Hemlock trees have droopy tops, their needles are irregularly spaced, and the pine cones are on the ends of the branches
• Vine maples have smaller leaves and are more shrub-like than the big leaf maple trees. The vine maples provide a smaller tree canopy (maybe 20-30 feet high) over the big leaf maples that help to form a higher canopy for the forest
• The heartwood of a cedar tree can rot, but the tree can stay alive because the sapwood core around the heartwood is resistant to rot (due to the acid in the sap). The phloem is one of the other rings around the sapwood. This diagram is similar to the one that we saw on the trail.

The Trail of the Cedars goes along the Skagit River and is right by a bridge that leads into Newhalem

Trail of the Cedars Hike

We also noticed these white, almost translucent-looking plants growing around our campsite. I actually had just seen them the day before when I took the kids on a hike up the Whittaker trail in our Issaquah (see picture below). The kids and I commented about how the plants looked like "ghost flowers," and it turns out that the plants are known as "ghost plants" (also called "corpse plants" or "Indian pipe"). Now that we have spotted them, I wonder if we will see them everywhere in the PNW. I learned that these plants do not need sunlight to grow (weird!), which makes them even more creepy.

We also visited Diablo Lake during our short trip. We took the Diablo Lake Trail only about two miles up, to an overlook of the lake, and then headed back down. But the hike was worth it, and I loved how the terrain was varied across different types of forests and rocks. trail. We took the trail only up about two mil

Diablo Lake overlook from the highway after our hike

Diablo Lake overlook from the highway after our hike

J took several fantastic photos of our trip too, which have been uploaded here.

On our final morning we packed up our campsite and then visited Ladder Creek Falls before heading home. It was neat to walk around one more power station too, and the kids were interested in hearing the electricity buzz from the wires. There were signs mentioning that a light show was held at the falls, but I couldn't figure out if that was still happening (some things in the park were closed due to the coronavirus). It would be fun to return here when the light shows is on in the evening!