This week has been a week of battles. My main battleground has been J's old room (which will be Sam's new room). Hopefully we'll have this room painted and finished by tomorrow. So far, I've fought through two layers of wallpaper; I'm still attacking the vestiges of wallpaper glue on the walls. In the process of stripping the walls, I've learned two things. First, I've decided that wallpaper is a big commitment. If you want wallpaper in your house, you need to be really, REALLY sure. It's hard to get back to stripped, clean walls. I've also learned that it is a BAD idea to apply wallpaper glue with any amount of enthusiasm. Enthusiastic applications of wallpaper adhesive = hours and hours of scraping.
Once we finish Sam's new room, it will be time to do a reconnaissance of our other rooms in the house. I'm not sure what we'll do in those rooms, but I'm pretty sure we'll strip the wallpaper and/or repaint. Maybe after all of these battles, we'll be able to get really moved-in and settled. I'm getting tired of living in a war zone with strewn boxes everywhere.
We've also had some battles with Sam this week. He's getting too big to be swaddled anymore, so we've been trying to teach him how to relax without being wrapped. This week, we've been just wrapping one arm. At the beginning of the week we had some rough nights, but I think (hope!) he's starting to get the hang of it. I don't know if I'm ready to start a second attack by unwrapping his other arm. Maybe we'll leave that for next week?
And does anyone have any suggestions on how to teach a baby how to soothe himself to sleep (without leaving him in his crib to hysterically scream for an hour)? It's time to break Sam of his rocking + roaring white noise + bouncing + bottle + ssh-ing routine. We feel like he big enough that he should be able to start relaxing on his own. Any ideas? I wish that he would take a pacifier to help him calm down and sleep - that would make my life easier.
Oh, and I guess I need to tackle Christmas shopping sometime soon too. I keep forgetting that it is the holiday season...
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I, not having any children, obviously don't really know what I'm talking about, but I was just wondering why it's bad to leave baby screaming in his crib for a while? Aside from him choking on his own spit, does it really hurt him?
And good luck with the wallpaper. That sounds dreadful!
I would guess that the main drawback to leaving him in his crib to scream for an hour would not necessarily be his harming himself but rather your going insane.
Fight the good fight, my friend. Whatever happened to those random people with unsolicited advice?
Yeah, Jon, listening to a baby hysterically scream is the main drawback. It shatters my nerves.
We're thinking that maybe it's time to start Sam on solid foods. Perhaps a fuller tummy = a sleepier baby? Hmm.
Okay, here is my two cents. Sometime in little Sam's life he will have to LEARN how to comfort himself to sleep... I didn't realize this, until one of my friends moms explained it to me. I was wrapping Tru in a blanket and putting him to sleep in my arms and then laying him to bed. But it was getting harder around 5 months because he would arch his back and fight me. I was told that it's much easier for them to learn this before they hit the 6 month mark, and that it just gets harder after that. I actually called Carebear the first time that I let Tru cry it out, and I was bawling the whole time! I called her because I knew that she had troubles with this too and she had gotten through it. She recommended the book Healthy Sleep habits, happy child. I read it and I too really recommend it. It's torture to listen to your little one scream! Absolute torture, until he actually falls asleep... and then it's the MOST WONDERFUL THING IN THE WORLD!!!! If you want to talk more about this let me know... or talk to CB.. but I really think that eventually all babies need to figure it out on their own and it's hard as a parent to let them do it. He will be fine and he will learn to fall asleep... and then your life will be a million times easier! I'm not trying to be preachy, I hope that you don't mind. This was the hardest hardest part of being a mom to a new baby for me, and I had to learn it the hard way so if you want to talk let me know ;).
Also, I'm so sorry about the wall paper, that is such a pain! I'm sure it will look beautiful when you are done!
Paris, thanks for the book recommendation. My sister-in-law really likes that book as well.
And I think you're probably right - he's not going to learn how to lie down and relax in his crib if I don't place him in his crib in the first place. And if I need moral support, I'll give you a call! :)
I, like some of the others, must preface this with the "I don't have kids so I haven't been there" warning. Certainly, I grew up in a large, mormon family and was surrounded by babies my whole life, but that definitely doesn't compare when it is your own.
That being said, I'm also a big believer in the concept that a baby must learn to comfort itself. It seems to me, from my own observations (again, not with my own children) that once a baby learns how to do this, it is no longer a big deal ... it becomes second nature. One of my older sister's, on the other hand, was a believer that if you ever let your baby cry itself to sleep the baby will know it can "never count on you." So, she has never let her child cry it out. This child is nearly 4 years old and cannot go to sleep without being comforted and breast fed (I won't get started on what I think about that, oy).
How old is Sam? My limited experience with babies is that around 6 months adding some rice cereal to their bottles helps them sleep through the night too.
Ok, I'm sure this is enough input from a single girl with no kids, so I'll just say, good luck. I can tell you are an amazing mom, keep it up :)
The book "Babywise" was a good help for us! I took the parts I liked and didn't follow the parts that didn't jive with my style. Good luck!
Huh. SO.....I'm an "attachment" parent in a few but not all ways. Which could translate to hippie-mcdippy about a few things, one big one being that I'm sort-of opposed to crying it out. Because? The message is that you aren't available to comfort a very strong perceived need.
A crying baby is sad or hurt or afraid, and wants comfort. I think it feels wrong not to provide that. Not saying that you should give them whatever they demand, but to say "I am here, where you need to know I am. Feel safe, baby." Because this is a baby, not a rational person who gets that you'll be back later to meet some of their other needs. So when you give the baby a mixed message which is essentially: I'll provide some comfort, then no comfort, then comfort you again, I think it's a little crazy-making.
I think there is something depressing about a baby who learns that you are an unreliable comforter and who has "given up" on crying because they know you won't help them when they are begging - sobbing - for it.
In the attachment model, self-comfort and sleep is expected more around age 18-24 months, when baby begins to understand consistency and that, for example, you don't REALLY disappear when you play peek-a-boo.
So...that's us, not you. I think this whole parenting thing is a lot of trial and error and examining your own needs and how it makes your family feel parenting in the right style for you.
And good luck with that wallpaper dealio. As someone who has (OUCH) an entire entryway wallpapered all the way up the 14-foot ceilings in maroon flowers and faux maroon marble, PLUS a living-room covered in lavender textured paint (those little foam bumps underneath the paint), I can only sigh long and hard in deep sympathy. I've done a little, but I have a LONG way to go.
Thanks for all of the tips and advice that I've gotten. I'm starting to do what Krystal said and pick and choose what works for us. The great thing is that over the past two days Sam has started to figure out the whole soothing thing. Maybe I just needed to blog about it for him to realize that it was a problem! :)
Over the past few days, I've been cutting his soothing time shorter and shorter, and then placing him in his crib when he is very calm (but not yet asleep). He's been able to settle down and close his eyes from there. If he wakes up and cries, I'll go in and pat his belly until he calms down again (but I don't pick him up). I've noticed that he also relaxes if he lies down on top of a certain soft blanket.
Anyhow, I think something has really clicked - he's been sleeping all over the place. Yesterday he fell asleep on his own multiple times (e.g., in the car seat (!), at an oratorio performance, in his crib). He's done the same thing this morning. Let's hope the trend continues!
I'm really glad that we're figuring this out. I'm also happy that this approach we've figured out does not involve hysterical screaming, or even crying for that matter. (BTW, thanks for leaving your opinion, Aunt Bee. I wanted to hear all types of advice.)
So far, the soothing routine has been cut down to as short as 30 seconds! I hope that having a little bedtime ritual and routine will be all that Sam needs to help him go to sleep. We'll see. If not, we'll find something else that works.
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