Over the past few weeks I have been developing a theory about expectations (expectations that are met, failed expectations, etc.). It seems like I am a much happier person when I go into situations (or approach life in general) without certain expectations for what will take place. Obviously, when those expectations are met, I feel a sense of fulfillment and pride. And I like that. But when my expectations aren't met for whatever reason, I end up feeling frustrated. I even get frustrated if small expectations are not met - silly expectations that have no real consequence, like finishing a book by the end of the day. I've noticed that sometimes I even get frustrated when something exceeds my expectations - not because I'm upset with results or outcome per se, but I'm irked at the fact that I had mentally prepared for something else.
Case in point: I had anticipated that J, Sam and I would have a fun and adventurous weekend together. But because of various things, it didn't end up being the weekend that I hoped. And even though we had a nice weekend and did get to do a few very fun things that I didn't anticipate at all (like the American Idol concert!), I still feel a little irked and unfulfilled - merely because my original expectations were not met.
So, what to do? In theory, I think that I would be a happier person if I went about without any expectations of how events/projects/work/life would occur. But is that even possible? It seems like part of human nature to expect and anticipate things. And in a way, I know that my own personality also thrives on expectations; I love feeling the sense of accomplishment that comes after expectations are fulfilled.
What do you think about expectations? Do you think that expectations give you a greater sense of happiness or frustration?
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I remember the first time I heard or grasped expectations. It was while watching MASH and gosh- I can't remember the characters name- said to a patient "We'll I apologize for not meeting your expectations!" and then he walked out. I believe that it's better to not have. To just let be what is. Live in the now. Enjoy what is. Not what could of been or should of been. Disappointments do come, but that's life.
It seems like any time something is hyped up - like a movie or a book, we can come away not having enjoyed it as much as we might have if we went in with no/low expectations.
However, I remember talking to my sister a few years ago when I was depressed and she had little kids that were wiping her out. She said, "I always have to be planning a trip. It doesn't matter how far off it is- even a year or two, I just need something to look forward to or think about when I'm feeling down." I think she had a good point. I think anticipation of something can help us get through the more difficult day-to-day, and maybe we have to couple that with acceptance that things may not go how we planned. (that second part is the tricky part)
I've found having expectations is much harder since being married & having children because there is a factor I have no control over. When it was just me, it was much easier to have expectations. When I didn't meet them, I felt frustrated, but knew I was to blame. Now, so often, my expectations are not met because of factors out of my control (sick child, stressed husband, grumpy child, tired child, etc.). I'm learning to lower my expectations about certain things, and just live in the moment on others. And I think there are always vague expectations that make life more enjoyable - I expect to make it fun, even if the event is not what I expected.
I generally try to have very LOW expectations for almost everything (excepting Harry Potter books) so I don't have to feel the wretched disappointment that comes when expectations are not met. Maybe that's a bad attitude, but that's how I cope. :)
Thanks for the comments, everyone. It's really interesting to hear what people think. J and I were talking about this topic last night, and he thinks that perhaps I don't necessarily need to focus on "having or not having expectations," but just think about how I will react when my expectations are not met. I think he has a good point. (As always, he's the calm voice of reason to counterbalance my drama!)
Breanne, I also think that it is important to have something to look forward to. (That's why I have a job!) But I agree: the balance between anticipation and flexibility is the tricky part.
Carrie, I especially like what you said about the "no control" factor and lowering expectations in some instances. I especially don't want to feel compelled to direct any frustration about failed expectations toward Sam. (After all, it's not really his fault! I'm the one who is generating the frustration.)
Great questions and comments. I decided long ago to lower my expectations a bit to make room for pleasant surprises. Over 30 years ago a friend shared this with me, "if you are going to have expectations, please be kind enough to warn the victim(s)." I laughed heartily, then applied it: it changed my life. I found that once I communicated clearly to others involved just what my hopes and expectations were, most wanted to help meet them, or helped me realize when expectations were unrealistic. Regarding situations where you have no control or influence: attitude and the ability to adjust are key.
Becky Rose: probably was Hawk Eye.
David likes to remind me that the key to a happy marriage is low expectations. Ergo he's always so happy being married to me.
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