Relationship thoughts

I don't know how my relationship with J compares to the broad spectrum of relationships out there, but J and I feel like we have a wonderful marriage. I feel like we are amazingly compatible. We often remark that we are so lucky to have each other, because we get along so well and bring out the best in each other. I hope that my kids will look at our marriage and find things that they want to emulate in their own relationships one day. A handful of conversations have made me to think about my relationship with J lately, and I've realized that, apart from love, there are two things that I think are necessary in a successful marriage: respect and unselfishness.

Respect: I think that this is the foundation of a good marriage, and in many ways I think that deep love and respect are interrelated. The reason that J and I get along so well because we sincerely respect each other. We respect the talents of each other, perhaps especially if we don't have the same talents ourselves. We respect each other's mind and intellect, and consider ourselves to be equals in regard to our wits and brains. For that reason, we feel like we can learn from each other and we respect the decisions that the other person makes. We want to solicit each other's opinion! We are willing to communicate and make compromises on issues, because we respect the stance that the other person assumes.

We respect the person that our spouse was (even before we knew them), and we respect the person that they are today. And because we respect the person that they are today, we feel confident that we will respect the person that they will become in the future. For that reason, it's easy to have a forward-thinking mindset and a solid commitment to each other.

Unselfishness: I think unselfishness is important to have as a spouse, but especially as a parent. One of the reasons that I love J so much is that he is unselfish when it comes to our kids. He willingly and freely gives his time and attention to them, and they are always in the forefront of his mind when he is at home. Because J is unselfish, he is wholly engaged and present.

When a person is unselfish, I think that they naturally and effortlessly are driven to serve and help the people that they love. J looks for ways to be helpful to me and the kids, because he knows how much that contributes to our emotional well-being and happiness. I think I'm still learning how to be as unselfish as him.