2019 Resolution: Work Less!

I have been thinking over the past few days for what I'd like to have as a resolution this year. Lately I've been feeling a little bit of frustration that I rarely have personal time to recharge. Ever since I started to teach when Sam was a toddler, I've had to work in the evenings during the school year to either prep or grade. And in the past few years, it's started to take a toll on me and I'm starting to feel pretty low.

I've been frustrated and resentful that J never has to work in the evenings: he always get to watch TV or play games on his phone, whereas I always have things that I need to be doing. It's not his fault: he just doesn't have to juggle multiple volunteer and work responsibilities and split his work time throughout the day in order to take care of the kids. These are responsibilities that I want to have. Unfortunately, though, the same thing happens during the weekends: he plays with the kids or takes a nap while I feel pressure to clean the house or madly play catchup with the things that didn't get done during the week. I'm reminded of studies for how working moms put in 98 hours per week and how typically there is an unequal distribution of household tasks between men and women, even if both of them are working.

Sometimes I do get help from my family, and willingly so if I ask. And J does consistently help with doing dishes and folding laundry. But generally I end up taking care of daily tasks, household maintenance and yard work because they are a priority for me: it is hard for me to relax if things are messy or chores need to be done. I wonder sometimes if I am like the anxious figure Martha from the Bible, who is "careful and troubled about many things," and J is like Mary who "chose the good portion."

So how can I relax? I've resolved this year to do something which is quite scary for me: I'm resolving to not work at night. After the kids go down, I'm going to focus on writing (like what I'm doing now), reading, or watching something I enjoy. I might end up doing some personal research or going over my choir music, but it won't be work. No grading. No prep. No emails. I'm not quite sure how I am going to manage getting my work done, but I'm going to figure it out on a day-by-day basis. One thing that I'm going to do is reinstitute a consistent chore chart for the kids - it will take more work for me to manage it each day, but I hope it will also save me time on the weekends. I probably will need to wake up earlier, too, so my evenings are more free. I also will have to give up time on social media. But I think that overall, this will help me feel more like myself: at least the "good portion" of myself that I want to be. I made good progress this past year in helping Lucy to gain more independence (my goal from last year), but I think that I will continue to improve in becoming less frustrated with her if I'm less frustrated with myself.