Skin Climbing in "The Ogress and the Orphans"

When I did "The London Eye" study abroad last summer, my colleague M-A (who ran the program) would encourage students to "climb into [another person's] skin" (using a phrase from To Kill a Mockingbird). M-A would use this as a way to teach students - especially white students - to place themselves in the position of a BIPOC person (someone who has been characterized and defined by their skin color) in order to build empathy and understanding for the racism that marginalized people experience on a daily basis. This "skin climbing" is a powerful visual and I think it had an impact on students, as it had an impact on me.

Today I was reminded of this skin-climbing comparison in an anecdotal story found within The Ogress and the Orphans, a children's novel by Kelly Barnhill. The full story is can be read on Google Books, but I wanted to remember a few points that stood out to me and quote them here. The story is about an ancient dragon who put on the skin of an antelope and learned what it was like to live like an antelope.

The part that I love the most is when the dragon has an awakened moment after wearing the antelope skin:

"He was, he realized, more now. He was a dragon who had learned what it was like to be an antelope. He had been an antelope who knew what it was to be a dragon. Each experience expanded the other. There was more him in himself now - his mind was enlarged, and his soul was enlarged as well.

Very carefully, he picked up the magic-imbued antelope skin and held it tenderly in his arms. It felt previous to him now, and the key to something important. "Others should experience this," he said to himself. Other dragons need to know."

The Dragon took the antelope skin around the world, to all of dragonkind. One by one, the dragons put on the antelope's skin. One by one, they learned the delight in an antelope's speed and agility, as well as the joy of being a part of a herd. . . Most dragons, as a result of this experience, became vegetarians. The antelope skin - the First Antelope - became a holy object to dragonkind. They wanted to understand all creatures in this way. All places. They wanted to understand the whole world.

Over time, skin-wearing became a sacred practice for dragons. By becoming other creatures, they could better understand how dragons were perceived by others, and through understanding they could endeavor to make themselves nobler, kinder, more generous. It was through skin-wearing that dragons could seek enlightenment and openheartedness. Wearing skins became prayerful, holy, a state to be admired, and often dragons who had done so would listen. Temples were built. Icons adorned treasure caves. And the dragons who had taken on numerous points of view were venerated as saints. This came at a physical cost, of course. It took magic to animate the skins, and magic to wear them. The dragons would emerge weakened and ill after their time in the skins - made worse they longer they did it. Still, dragonkind considered this discomfort a worthwhile fee for their benefit. The enlightened dragons spent their recovery time in a state of contemplation and gratitude." (Kelly Barnhill, The Ogress and the Orphans, p. 81-82).

I like this comparison in how living in someone else's skin can not only build empathy, but it can allow for personal growth, self-reflection, contemplation and gratitude. I want to point out to my kids these truths when they read this short story, in hopes that they will be skin-climbers in their own lives. 

Lucy's Tummy and Gluten-Free Recipes

Over the past few months we have switched to a more restrictive diet for Lucy. She started to complain about a hurty tummy back in January, and the past few months have included a series of doctor visits, as well as a failed attempt at a hospital lab to get her to participate in a fructose malabsorption test. This is an excerpt of an email that I wrote to my friend M-A about the invalid fructose malabsorption test, which we tried to do in early March:

"Today was an incredibly frustrating day for me. Lucy was supposed to have her fructose malabsorption test, and we spent the past 24 hours getting her ready with a special diet (I woke up early in the morning to cook chicken and rice!) and following all of the specific requirements. We woke up early this morning, brushed her teeth with only water, and drove down to Tacoma for the appointment. And when we got to the hospital, the tech asked Lucy to drink a large bottle of sugary fructose water in five minutes. I wish I would have known about this time limit in advance, because Lucy doesn't do well with those kind of constraints and she was caught off guard. She took a sip, and then froze up, refused to drink, and started to cry. I tried to coax her through drinking it for a few minutes, and she made about 2/3 of the way through the bottle before the time ran out. The tech said that the results would be considered invalid because of the delay and we would have to reschedule! I was nearly in tears when we left the lab.

So, we are not any closer to discovering the problem. I'm not sure that Lucy is mature enough to handle the requirements of this test. She might be better prepared for what would happen if we did it all over a second time, but I think I'll see if our doctor has other recommendations. I don't want to repeat what happened today!"

We haven't gone back for a test, but I think we have figured out some other things which are helping Lucy's diet. We have cut back on almost all dairy and are avoiding wheat, and those things seem to be helping. We have seen an allergist for testing but Lucy's test didn't show an allergic reaction to dairy or wheat, so perhaps it is some other GI issue. The allergist gave us a form so we can get celiac screening done at a lab, so we might do that. I suppose we should also see a GI doctor eventually, but it seems like most of her tummy problems are solved (as well as the chronic constipation that she has had for most of her life) if we cut out these things. I'm not sure if I want to go through the hassle of seeing another doctor only to be told that they aren't sure what is wrong and to just keep doing the things I am doing...

So now my new hobby is going to speciality grocery stores and trying to figure out gluten-free recipes that Lucy will eat. It is quite a change and I'm actually glad that I have only been teaching one class for each of these past two quarters because thinking about specialty food takes up a lot of time. I never wanted to have my life revolve around thinking about food and special diets, just as a reaction to how much of my childhood was spent driving to goat farms and wandering around health food stores. When all of these dietary restrictions started for Lucy, I told J that this was my worst nightmare. It's still kind of true, but it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm figuring it out.

I have a couple gluten-free options that have been working so far. Lucy will eat pasta that is made out of lentils that comes from Trader Joe's, as well as a couple of other gluten-free products (like bread, muffins, pancakes and granola bites) which come from that store. I've found some other gluten-free mixes for cakes, corn bread, muffins and brownies at QFC. My friend Rachael shared with me a recipe for mochi waffles that the kids like, and this might end up being the dairy-free and gluten-free replacement for Grandma J's waffle recipe that we have used for our whole marriage until this year. When I was visiting Rachael in Saint George last month, she also made some flourless chocolate cookies to take back to Seattle. Lucy liked those so we'll have to make them again. 

Tonight, however, was a disaster when I tried a new recipe. I saw a video to make these easy gluten-free chicken nuggets on Instagram (see a similar TikTok video) and they were absolutely terrible. I think they were hands down the worst things I have ever cooked, and that's saying something because I'm a pretty terrible cook. It ended up being a huge mess to make the mixture, in part because our food processor doesn't work well and I had to move everything to a blender. Then the consistency of the mixture was off; it was so goopy that I couldn't create nuggets that held their shape. (Was a supposed to bake the potato instead of boil it? The recipe just called for a "cooked potato," but maybe the potatoes absorbed too much water when I boiled them?) Then, after I added a little corn meal to firm up the mixture and tossed the semi-firm "nuggets" into the air fryer, they turned into these terrible, dense biscuits that didn't even taste like chicken at all.

Since J was out of town for work, I was under an extreme time crunch to finish dinner before taking Sam and Lucy to their evening lessons. Unfortunately, we ran out of time before I could make anything else. I couldn't bring myself to eat them but Sam didn't have a choice, because his cello lesson was about to start. Sam was a good sport about it, and he ate a few of them with ketchup before we hurried to his lesson. While he was at his lesson, I went shopping at Target and bought him something else to eat for the rest of his dinner. But when I picked him up, he said he was still quite full and that the weird biscuits were at least filling.

I said, "Well, don't worry, we won't be making those again. They were terrible." And Sam replied, "Yeah...they were...Chicken Mc-Yuck-Its." That made me have a hearty laugh. J appreciated the pun when we called him about an hour later.

New York: Brick Haus and Family

One of the other great parts about my trip to NYC was getting to see Anna and Katherine for a Brick Haus reunion, kind of as a catchup celebration for our 40th birthdays. The reunion actually was Kelly's idea, and she was supposed to join us too, but she ended up catching Covid that same week and had to stay home. We thought about her often and even called her at one point, but we tried to also give her some space so that she wouldn't have FOMO. We got to visit several museums, saw two shows ("The Play that Went Wrong" and "Hadestown") and several delicious restaurants. Ben met up with us for one meal too, and it was fun to see him again. One of my favorite memories is from our last day, when Katherine and I walked through Central Park to get to-and-from the Met, and then we walked through the galleries chatting about the art we saw.

The Saturday I was in NYC was especially fun, since my brother C and his wife S came down from New Haven to visit me. Katherine and Anna were really gracious about letting them join our plans. It was neat to see C, who is in medical school, I was reminded about how my other brother A did something similar when we went out to New York for CAA about ten years ago, back when he was in medical school. We met C and S at The Cloisters and then went down to the Natural History Museum. It was fun to go through the exhibits with them and talk about the art. C had some really fun things to say about different humanoid skeletons too; it was neat to hear his perspective.

I feel lucky that I got to see family on that particular Saturday, since all of the other S-family members were gathering in Utah for Winston's birthday and L's mission farewell. It was nice to feel connected to family on that same day, even though our two groups of family gatherings were in two separate parts of the country!

New York: CAA and WMS

I recently returned from a trip to New York, where I attended a CAA conference and led a conference session for the William Morris Society in the United States. It was such a different experience from when I attended CAA in New York about nine years ago, as a mere attendee without the responsibility of a presentation or a role in a session. It also felt like a wonderful full-circle moment too, because I got to meet up with Sedef Piker and chat for a while with her, which was fun. I was reminded of how the art history bloggers got together for lunch back in 2013 when I was at CAA that year. Back then, that was my only social engagement at CAA, with bloggers that I knew well from online interactions but had never met in person.

This time at CAA, I had many more things to do, more colleagues to see, and some specific sessions which were helpful for my teaching and generative for my own research and ideas. Although I have had some frustrations with working on the WMS-US board, I am grateful for some of the the associations that I have made and the professional development that it has afforded me. I ran into Heather Belnap on the last day of the conference - as we were both leaving the hotel - and I think it made her happy and proud to see one of her former students actively involved in the discipline and seeking professional development.

I am proud of the CAA session that I put together. We had about sixty people in attendance, which is good for our society. (I think we had maybe 20-30 people in attendance at the previous MLA/CAA sessions I have attended.) I think that the topic of post-colonialism and craft also is an important one. I especially liked Kristen Dorsey's talk on "strategic essentialism" as a strategy for Native craftsman in order to withhold themselves and maintain a position of power in context of a Western tourist market.

I also really enjoyed getting to hang out with Anna W after the session. She and I first connected in January 2020, at a WMS event in Seattle that was held in conjunction with an MLA session (one that I spoke at). Anna made a comment about how people in the William Morris Society are some of the nicest among those in academia, and I think she is absolutely right. Maybe William Morris's own temperament and/or interests attract nice people? After I connected with her and Jane Carlin at the events that were held that weekend in 2020, I became even more interested in the society. My positive interactions with them swayed my decision when I was invited to serve on the board, and I've really liked working with Anna. We made sure to snap a picture while we hung out at Lillie's Victorian Establishment after the recent CAA session:

The William Morris Society also held an event at the Grolier Club later that same week. Anna W wasn't able to make it (she got sick with Covid), but I did get to meet some of the other board members whom I hadn't met in person before. We are a hodgepodge group in some ways, but everyone is very nice and welcoming. It was strange to see how tall/short the others are, since we have only seen each other on Zoom until now. It was fun to get a tour of the Grolier library and see some William Morris related items, including a beautiful book with a cover that was embroidered by May Morris.

Mark, Tracy and Jude

The other fun thing that I really enjoyed doing was getting to see Chris June working at Christie's. I was able to see the last day of the André Leon Talley auction and Chris was there on the floor, working on the phones with the rest of his colleagues. It made me so happy to see Chris in his work element. If I stopped teaching tomorrow, I would feel happy knowing that I played a role in getting Chris into his own career path. I know he's doing and will continue to do a lot of great things, because of the high achiever that he is.

Chris was able to step over and say hello to me during lots. We also got to go out to dinner one of the nights that I was in town and properly catch up. He is such a delight! I love that we have so many crossover memories of not only the art history classes, but also singing in choir together.

Kitty-Cat Sweatpants and Growing Up

 I had a moment in the grocery store today, when I was shopping for Christmas pajamas at a Black Friday sale. I found a cute pajama outfit for Lucy that had a fuzzy red shirt decorated with ice-skating penguins. I debated for a moment in buying it, wondering if Lucy would like the penguins. And a random memory from elementary school popped into my mind. I was in fifth grade - two years older than Lucy is now - and I was absolutely mortified because my mom had bought me a red sweatpants outfit with decorated with puffed-paint kitty cats and a tiger stripe design. I felt like I was way too old for kitty cats then and I really resented it when my mom made me wear the outfit to school one day (I think it was Valentine's Day, which is why my mom insisted on red). And I realize that I'm getting at a point now where it is hard to choose Lucy's clothes for her. She wants to be her own person and often choose her own style. She mentioned in a school assignment last year that she's "really good at fashion," so I should let her enjoy that more. And hopefully I won't put her in a mortifying situation like the one I found my fifth-grade self in. 

There have been a few moments where she has liked the aesthetic that I choose for her still, and her school picture this year was a good compromise. I choose the outfit (a vintage floral print with a shirt and skirt), and Lucy choose the butterfly headband (she did not want a hairdo) and the necklace. She did not want a hairdo, but she did agree to let me put mousse in her hair to help tame/shape her curls. This may be the last year that I get to have that much influence, though. I need to let her make more of her own choices.

This is what the full outfit looks like (she also wore it on the first week of school):

And yes, I did buy the penguin pajamas, not because of the penguins but I think that she'll really like the soft fuzzy red fabric. And if she hates the penguins, then I'll look for something more "tween" next year. Or maybe I'll start letting her choose her own Christmas pajamas, so she can be the fashionista that she wants to be on Christmas Eve.

Sam is still really easy when it comes to clothes and almost always wants me to make selections for him. He just wants things that are comfortable (e.g. sweatshirts, t-shirts and Levi jeans) and have neutral colors. But he has gotten into the habit of wearing button-up shirts for his school pictures, and he just doesn't seem to question that or consider what other options might exist. Really, Sam doesn't want to spend any more time thinking about clothes than he has to. He usually gets dressed with whatever clothes he pulls out of the drawer first.

These kids could not be more opposite, and not just in their attitudes toward clothing. I'm glad I get to be stretched as a parent and learn about different ways to connect with and teach them. I'm learning a lot about myself in the process, too. 

Estudo na Europa

Tonight I found this poem in my papers from college, which was an assignment in my Portuguese 315 course. I wrote about the my feelings about being in Europe and studying European art: a sense of disconnect between loving the things in were really old and feeling like Western cultural elements were familiar, yet also unfamiliar due to my displacement as an American. This is what I wrote:

Estudo na Europa

Amo a aquitectura aqui

Faz anos que eu estudei

As catedrais

Os quadros

Mas algo 'tá faltando

Meu país é novo

Os prédios são mais limpos

Menos séculos de pó

E guerra

O ar é mais doce

E fresco

Meu coração está dividido

Mas sei onde eu pertenço

À terra prometida

À terra nova

À terra da minha vida

I Study in Europe

I love the architecture here

It's been years since I studied

The cathedrals

The paintings

But something is missing

My country is young

The buildings are cleaner

Less centuries of dirt

And war

The air is sweeter 

And fresh

My heart is divided

But I know where I belong

The promised land

The "New World"

The land of my life

Birthday Celebrations

I had a wonderful 40th birthday and I felt very spoiled for several days! The celebrations started the evening before my birthday. Jeremy, Lucy and I went to hear the Tallis Scholars concert at Saint James Cathedral. We dropped Sam and my MIL off downtown too, so they could attend the Paul McCartney concert that same night. (I was torn choosing between the Tallis Scholars and Sir Paul, but I decided to go to the Tallis Scholars since I have been lucky enough to hear Paul perform three times.) Of course I ran into Joy Sherman there, which was was a delightful birthday gift because she is one of the people I love and admire most in this world. Whenever I run into choir concerts, Jeremy jokes that he plans it as part of the celebration.

Lucy was kind of wiggly during the performance, but everyone in our family had a good evening!

The next day I had to work, but I had a break between classes. Carrie and Rachael took me out to eat for lunch at Café Flora, a restaurant that I love because of all of the vegetarian options. I love these women so much! This is our first official photo being members of the "40s Club" together - which only lasted a few weeks before Rachael had another birthday.

Here I am with my fancy in-house soda drink. I can't remember the drink, but probably pomegranate-flavored. I'm very predictable in what I order.

What I didn't know is that while I was at work, Carrie and Rachael also were busy decorating my lawn. I came home from work in the afternoon and saw that they had left a yard sign, heart-attack designs and 40 tulips on my porch! These women know how to celebrate and I felt so loved that day!

I think that evening we had Thai food for takeout. Sam had a cello lesson that evening, so our birthday meal was a quick one. But the great part of that evening was that Violet jumped through a hoop for me, not just once but multiple times. I have been trying to train her for months to jump through a hoop and she finally acquiesced on my birthday!

The rest of our celebration continued that weekend, when J and I stayed at Treehouse Point for a night while my in-laws watched the kids. We ate a fancy dinner at the Snoqualmie Lodge and even won $100 that night! It was a lovely date and the treehouse was charming.

The next morning, Jeremy dropped me off at the Rachael's house and we headed out for a Girls' Day celebration. We first went to Value Village and found some sequiny and fancy outfits to wear rollerskating. Then we took a long walk along the the waterfront toward Alki Beach, and I remember we had a long chat about sharing opinions about abortion rights and the constitution because of the Roe vs. Wade leak. I love the variety and intellect of the conversations that we have together. Then we ate lunch at Salty's and went out for pedicures at Daily Nail & Spa on 35th Ave (they did a really good job for a good price!).

Probably the biggest surprise of all was that afterward, Rachael and Carrie took me to iFly for a surprise indoor skydiving adventure! I knew that they were taking me somewhere for a surprise, and my only clue was that I needed to bring something to hold my hair back. When they told me this (the day before), I had joked with them in a text thread that the hair tie was for a skydiving activity. They laughed and diverted the conversation elsewhere, but I did get a bit suspicious when I told Jeremy later about my skydiving joke and he got a stricken look on his face and then tried to laugh at my joke. But I still was surprised when they took us to iFly. I wasn't sure if I would be nervous, but it really was fun and a very memorable way to celebrate with friends. I knew this would be an especially dear memory, knowing that Rachael would be moving away in just a few months.

We had a little bit of time to kill before the last part of our marathon Girls' Day Out - which was the one thing that I had planned and requested. So we hung out at the Southcenter Mall for a little bit, wearing our matching iFly shirts while we shopped at Sephora and ate at the food court. Then we headed to the Southgate Roller Rink for disco skating. (Although there wasn't really a lot of disco music, but that's okay.) It was so fun to be back on skates again and revive a dormant part of me that I never get to do anymore!

This video makes me laugh because we clearly are trying to be all cool with our "raise the roof" dance skills and thrift store purchases, but we're kind of fumbling around even more nerdy when I stop and say, "I think we're blurry!" Ha! I also like that I'm chewing gum in this video (because I rarely do now, but I did it a lot when I was a teenager so it fits with throwback disco skating vibe that night).

These several days were really wonderful and I'll always remember them. I feel lucky to have such a great family and such great friends. The Bruno Mars song "Skate" has been reminding me of this birthday adventure since it happened, and now that Rachael has moved away I keep thinking of how the Bruno Mars song "Count on Me" also is a good one to encapsulate our special friendship. I know that, despite the geographic distance, that the lyrics of the song still pertain to our friendship: we will always "be there" for each other and we will "never say goodbye" to each other.