"R"

I have never felt the need to justify to my friends why I don't watch rated "R" movies. More than once, my refusal to discuss my reasons has led to awkward situations with friends, ex-boyfriends, etc. I guess I feel like LDS people should respect and understand my decision at face-value. Plus, I just don't want to be confrontational by presenting my reasoning. An incident that happened this past weekend made me think more about justification, why I feel like I don't need to justify myself, etc. Although I still don't feel like a justification is necessary, I thought that I might divulge one particular, personal reason why I don't watch rated "R" movies.

Up until I was seventeen, I was rather proud to admit that I had never seen a rated "R" movie. I realize that now the Church has advised members to simply avoid films that are violent, immoral, etc., but when I was in high school, it was very clear that rated "R" movies should be avoided. I was happy and proud that it was easy for me to follow this counsel.

Then, at the end of my junior year, I started to become friends with some of the popular "skater" kids at school. I was excited to get to know this circle of kids better, and ended up gong to prom with one of the boys in the group. Sometime around prom, I finally was invited to hang out with this group after school. When we arrived at one kid's house, everyone immediately agreed to watch a rated "R" movie. I wanted to speak up and say that I wasn't comfortable with that, but I felt awkward since I was the newcomer. I don't even remember what the movie was about, or why it was rated "R", but I was disappointed in myself for being such a coward. I remember trying to stare at the floor during the movie, get glasses of water from the kitchen, and trying to do whatever I could to not pay attention to the show. I felt so awkward and uncomfortable for not speaking up. Ever since that time, I have been especially determined to not watch rated "R" movies, I guess as a way to redeem myself for my cowardice as a teenager.

So, friends, it's not specifically because of "the only thing" or "just one part" in rated "R" movies that I'm trying to avoid. It also has nothing to do with me questioning your good judgment. It's something more. I continually need to prove to myself that I'm not the coward that I was in high school. I have other reasons for not watching rated "R" movies as well, but hopefully this explanation will suffice.