However, I don't really feel like things are so desperate and horrible anymore. The difficulties and problems haven't resolved themselves completely or changed, but I feel like I have changed. There are a couple of things which have helped me out, and I have found some particularly sound advice in When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron (thanks for the book, Ant Bee!). This book is founded in traditional Buddhist teachings and has given me a better perspective on fear and difficult times.
Chodron writes that we shouldn't call occurences in our life "good" or "bad." Really, we just don't know what they are. And it's true - these so-called horrible experiences can be great opportunities for me to become stronger and more capable. She writes, "When things fall apart and we're on the verge of we know not what, the test for each of us is to stay on that brink and not concretize" (1997, p. 11).
I'm looking at things differently lately. Even the past 24 hours have been remarkably different, and I can feel a change in myself. Instead of yielding to fear and trying to "sit things out," I'm going to embrace this time in my life and see how much I can get out of the experience. I feel like I'm really growing, and frankly, I'm excited to see what "new me" is going to come out of this chaos. Although my life and attitude have not formed into this yet:
I'm content (and kind of excited?) about this:
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10 comments:
Thanks! This post was exactly what I needed to hear at the exact time I need it. We love you guys over there!
I am so glad you wrote this. I have complete faith in your ability to not only handle everything coming your way, but to emerge better than you could ever have expected. Certainly you have -- and will continue to -- grow beyond measure. Remember this feeling; it'll get you through the rough days.
I'm glad you're feeling better about things...
I've been feeling that same way lately. I might need to pick up that book you talked about. I'm glad you're feeling better.
I think a lot of people I know, including myself have been feeling this way lately. Thank you for the great reminder of how to handle these things. I know you will do better than you think you will and will grow in ways you never would have expected. It is not always comfortable while you are going through it, but when you look back on how much you have changed and adapted it will remind you how resilient we really are. Thanks for posting this. I needed to see it.
It takes courage to face chaos, and I know you have what it takes. We're rooting for you!
There is this great book I read in the Center called "Feel the Fear and do it anyway." You should read it.
Oh, it makes me feel SO happy that you got something from her book! And I'm so glad that things seem slightly less...shaky! Maybe ~I~ need to re-read it as well.
Beautifully written, Monica. I would never have known you've been having such a difficult year. I'm sorry. But I am inspired by your message of hope! Thank you!
I loved seeing those amazing ruins too! I'm so glad you're feeling better and I love your attitude about life. Sometimes I feel like my life is in a total shambles too, so it's so nice to read a post like this. Hang in there! :)
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