Several weeks ago, my sister C showed me this picture of us in our old house. That's me on the left (the one folding clothes), and C on the right (the one fast asleep, with her arms raised above her head). We've been laughing about this picture recently, because it pretty much sums up our relationship from when we shared a bedroom. C was a very messy little four and five year old, and I was constantly exasperated as I tried to keep our room in order. I was so frustrated at one point that I cut open an old refrigerator box and partitioned off a corner of the bedroom, so that I could at least maintain control over a small amount of floor space. I felt a little like a homeless person, huddled inside by cardboard box space, but at least my cardboard box was clean.I'm a clean and organized person. I don't think that I am obsessive-compulsive or overly fastidious about keeping an immaculate environment, but I am very consistent in my efforts to have a clean home. I like things to be put away and organized, largely because I don't have a clear head or organized thoughts when I'm surrounded by chaos. For that reason, it drives me nuts when things accumulate in "rat's nest" piles of junk. And it really bothers me when people are oblivious to a mess that they have created, or if they are irresponsible and don't put things away.
Although I realize that order and cleanliness tie into part of my personality, I also know that my habits are because of the way I grew up. And it wasn't because my family kept a clean and orderly house - on the contrary, my penchant for cleanliness is a reaction against the way my family's house was kept. It wasn't that my mom was opposed to cleanliness; she really liked the idea of a clean house, but didn't spend the time or energy to consistently enforce order.
From what I can tell, many people are directly influenced by how clean their homes were kept as a child. And I would guess that there are a lot of people who verge toward one extreme or the other (in terms of cleanliness): either they are excessively messy/clean because their family's home was kept the same way, or they are very messy/clean as a reaction against the way that their family's home was kept.
Am I right? Where do you fall in the cleanliness factor? Are your habits a product of or reaction against the way that you lived as a child?
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6 comments:
oh my goodness, my cleanliness is DEF. a reaction against my upbringing! with 8 people stuffed into 3 rooms, one bathroom, a tiny kitchen, and one living area that was living/dining/everything room, i need to have things CLEAN and SPARSE! my dad finally built a couple bedrooms downstairs, so i got my own room at age 14 and it was seriously the cleanest, most orderly room in the house.
of course, having kids now, i understand how they clutter things up, but my parents bought like every book and DVD known to man - which i DON'T do. i can't stand going home to NY with so much clutter EVERYWHERE!!! drives me nuts. :) glad i married a man who is even cleaner than i am! interesting thoughts, m.
I read this post right before I left for work this morning and I've been thinking about it all day!
I'm sure you know by the many dramas that take place in my current housing/roommate situation, that I am PRO-CLEAN/ORGANIZATION!
So much of the strife with my roommates is their lack of cleaning.
I think I inherited how I feel about cleaning from my mom's side of the family. My grandma (my mom's mom) would clean for fun. Seriously, it was the woman's hobby. I remember thinking she was so bizarre when I was a kid.
My mom's house was not like a museum, but we did have a cleaning chart growing up and every single Saturday of my childhood, she would wake us up and we would spend Saturday cleaning the house. I remember once seeing a poster when I was about 10 or so that said, "I live for Saturdays!" and I remember thinking that was crazy because Saturdays were the worst day of the week!
As I've grown up, I've realized how much the cleaning influenced me. I've been amazed to discover (via various roommates over the years) how many people cannot clean properly. Even though it probably makes me a little obsessive (since I do like things tidy), I am glad I know how to actually clean a house and that I can appreciate how it makes life much better.
I'm a clean person, but perfect, but sure hate a messy house. My sister on the other hand is a nightmare. I have 4 sisters. most are clean people. One to the extreme. But this one who used to be clean is a disaster. We all hope one day she will return to a house of order!
Here's a funny way to think about it: your mom was raised in a house that had a room people didn't even USE, because it had to be "just so" all the time. And that room was at the front of the house... one (I) could draw metaphorical parallels in which F-family superficial order and internal messiness impacted how your mom grew up to be a more straightforward housekeeper who let the structure and (occasional dis)orderliness of her home be a more honest reflection of S-family life - busy, chaotic, music-and-book-filled - without superficial, socially-conscious constraints.
What do you think? It's my own justification (although I do like things tidy) when my world feels out-of-order - that ~I'm~ reacting to a family-bred superficial orderliness which bordered on mania by allowing chaos to bring its own personality into my home.
Maybe in some ways that's all we are - a series of responses and backlashes to our core/fundamental experiences. Sigh...there are days when I'm convinced that's true.
(Also, wish I'd been around to see your tidy little box. :)
I think you've brought up a good point, Ant Bee. Mom may have intentionally wanted the home to reflect S-family life. I should have considered that. (It's also interesting to read your comment about the "just so" room - we technically were supposed to leave the S-family living room relatively (comparatively?) clean. I guess mom was partially influenced by the "just so" room she had while growing up.)
Hi Monica! Phin directed me here, because I recently posted a plea for suggestions for what is not to be missed in Portland and Seattle (Ryan and I are taking a desperately needed road trip to your neck of the woods) and she thought I might find some ideas. I have--and it's fun to see pictures of Sam growing up, too.
If you have any ideas to send along, my email is amyfpeterson at gmail dot com.
For the record, I am the only less-tidy member of my family, and it gives me constant pains. My mother was hypervigilant, and both of my siblings are similarly gifted. I love a clean and tidy environment, but find it overwhelming (probably somewhat like your mom, although it sounds like it gives me greater anxiety). One thing I am unusually conscientious about is the way things are put away; my mother never had a dish in the wrong place, but sometimes we couldn't get the tupperware drawer open for all the mismatched crap shoved in there. I may leave things out, and need to do the laundry more frequently, but my cabinets and closets are immaculate. Go figure.
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