I decided that I better start a label for all of the posts that I write when I can't sleep at night. It might be fun to go back and read all of my ramblings sometime (and also compare to see if they are less coherent and less grammatically correct than my other posts!). Really, though, my sleep has been a lot better over the past few months. I just can't sleep tonight because I took a three-hour nap this afternoon.
Here are some of the things that I've been thinking about lately:
1) I'm a lazy pile. This past weekend I had two friends run in a half-marathon, and another friend recently say that she'd like to train for a mini-triathlon. In theory, I would really love to participate in a half-marathon or triathlon. I like the thought of being athletic and "tough," but I'm too much of a lazy pile to get motivated for any serious training. (And, to tell the truth, I don't even like running that much. I just like the way that I feel after I finish running.) I keep on resolving to change my ways and become less lazy, but then I quickly talk myself out of such silliness. Case in point: two hours ago I resolved to wake up early and exercise. But since I haven't been able to sleep for the past two hours, I've convinced myself that it would be better to sleep in...once again. Maybe what I need to do is actually register for some kind of event, which would force me to train. Of course, I don't think that I'd be ready to run a half-marathon anytime in the near future, but maybe I could start with a lil' 5K run? (But is this reasoning coming from my logical side or my lazy side? Hmm.)
2) I'm starting a full-time job in September, teaching art history at one of the universities where I have worked before. Yay! I am thrilled to have this position, even though it is only guaranteed for the upcoming academic year. (That being said, I think they will probably invite me to return each year as part-time faculty member. I have been invited to develop new curriculum for a course, and I imagine that they will ask me to continue to teach this same course in future quarters.) Anyhow, that being said, I feel a little guilty about taking this full-time position - in some ways, I feel like I have to justify (to some people, not to myself) why I've chosen to work instead of being a full-time mom. I could list my reasoning for working and teaching here, but I don't feel like it (I'm a little tired of justifying and explaining myself away).
3) I'm going to start singing and practicing again. This time fer rills. Last summer, about this same time, I made the goal to start practicing again and it was a total flop. I'm going to try again, first by learning and memorizing "Deh vieni, non tardar." I've decided that I'll practice three times a week, on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.
4) I want to start practicing my Portuguese again. I can tell that I'm starting to forget some words, and my tongue feels a little sluggish when I start to speak. Alguém quer practicar comigo? This summer I plan on reading at least one book in Portuguese. I bought a copy of A Moreninha by Joaquim Manuel de Macedo several years ago, because I wanted to read a book that was considered to be a "classic" novel in Portuguese.
I really hope that I can start exercising, singing, and Portuguese-ing again. It won't be easy. Remember, I'm a lazy pile...
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13 comments:
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I also have such lofty goals but when it actually comes around to doing them, I'm also a lazy pile. Though when I actually do get something done I feel like I've conquered the world (even if it's only 1 out of 3).
I think you should sign up for a 5K. It would give you a reason to train.
From observation, I don't think there's a lazy bone in your body. You are always engaged in something good.
Primeiro, e verdade, tu nao tens um oso preguiçoso em todo de teu corpo!
Segundo, nos podemos practicar! Eu quero eu quero, menos que nos nao podemos falar. O! Nos podemos, como uma vez per semana, fazer aquella coisa com nossos macs, video chat?
O que tu pensas?
My favorite part is that you said "fer rills"
that made me laugh out loud because you have the utah accent down cold.
and you are not a lazy pile, you just choose the places to put your energy and it happens to be different than others.
I love that you sing. I want to hear it- please, please please! I also love to sing-- but mostly that consists of making up songs on the fly that concern mommyhood and diapers.
A new pair of sweet looking running shoes can be motivating. You just want to put them on because they look go great.
And I think it's awesome you got a full-time teaching position! Those are certainly hard to come by these days in any field so that says a lot about how amazing a teacher you are.
It drives me nuts that mormons think that other people's reproduction and childcare decisions are any of their business. I'm assuming that's who you meant by "people" you find yourself explaining things to since essentially no one else does that but mormons. And yet at the same time there are plenty of mormon women who do not feel fulfilled as a stay-at-home mom or who go crazy doing it or . . . well, whatevs, that's a soap box for another day.
Seriously, so so cool you got the job.
That's awesome about the teaching position! Congrats on finding good ways to use your degree (I'm still trying to figure that out).
I think it's funny that you keep feeling the need to explain your justification for working. I always feel like I have to justify why I am not currently employed. But it's really nobody's business but your own anyway. I guess you just can't win.
I had to laugh when I read that you feel like you're a lazy pile because I am ALWAYS amazed by how much you accomplish and are involved in. That being said, signing up for a 5k is a super way to get yourself motivated to run. And you might even get a t-shirt - hooray! Practicing and memorizing a piece . . . inspiring yet again. I'm still not ready to make any musical commitments. :)
I just want you to know that you can expect me to blatantly steal and use "fer rills". By far the funniest thing I have seen all day.
Congratulations on your teaching job! That's so great! And, no, you do not need to justify ANYTHING in terms of working and being a mom. I'm trying to avoid going off on a rant about such things, but my mom worked and I like to think I turned out okay. As a matter of fact, I think a lot of any matter of success I've had in life has to do with the fact that I knew my mom loved me, but that she had skills, talents, and interests that she went after.
I think practicing the language is a great idea!
Finally, you are such the opposite of a lazy pile. Still, it makes me feel a little better knowing that you have ideas of things to do and don't always get to them because I'm sure mine are MUCH worse!
Thanks for the comments, everyone! I hope people realize that I wasn't fishing for compliments when I said that I'm a lazy pile. I realize that I'm not lazy when it comes to many things, but I am less motivated to do some things which (theoretically) I would like to do.
Sim, phin, vamos praticar! (Apenas que voce nao tira sarro do meu sotaque, nem do meu uso de voce! Rsrs!) Gosto do idea de praticar uma vez por semana por video chat. Quando voce quer comecar (e quando voce tem tempo)? I hope you're noticing my lazy pile tendencies when writing this - I'm not even bothering to use diacritical marks.
Yeah, ego non and e, the "people" I'm referring to are Mormons. It's not that anyone has confronted or questioned me directly about my decision to work, but I notice that I get defensive from the get-go. I sometimes prefer to not tell people that I work, just so I don't start to feel defensive and feel the need to explain. And it's funny, I also felt defensive when I wasn't working (and had to explain my reasoning to stay at home). I guess you're right, Kiersten, you just can't win either way.
And anyone can steal the "fer rills" from me. It's actually wasn't my own spelling; I think that my uncle (or cousin Zillah) may have come up with it. I remember that once Digs (my uncle, who is from Orem) was trying to sell something, and he made a sign marked "Fer sill." I think "fer rills" is a derivative from that.
I'm still laughing at your line: "I'm a lazy pile." Hilarious! You are anything BUT lazy! But you made me laugh. :)
Congrats on the full-time job, wow that is amazing!!!
I can definitely relate to you on the running thing. The ONLY thing I like about it is the feeling I have when I finish...and that just isn't enough to motivate me...
Anyway, congrats on your job and good luck with all of your goals. Sounds like you'll be busy!
I had to come back and comment again on this post because it really struck me that you said in your comment you feel defensive no matter what position you are in -- working or staying at home.
Wow, can I relate.
I was just thinking that I spend a lot of my time defending myself to my friends here in D.C. on both sides of the spectrum in terms of being LDS.
One minute, I feel like I'm defending my faith, Joseph Smith, the religion, etc. Then, the next, I feel like I'm defending how I'm not one of "those kind of Mormons" who likes Twilight or got married when I was 19. I know it isn't the same thing as what you're talking about, but I do understand feeling a need to defend both ends of the spectrum of an issue. Just really struck me today when today I literally had to swear that not all Mormons are in love with Edward and that, yes, I believe the church is true.
Hmmmm ...
Yeah, I can relate to that, e. It's difficult to define yourself without getting defensive, especially when you don't feel like you fit (and don't want to fit) a "cookie cutter" mold of a certain category. And it's even more difficult when people have certain expectations or ideas of what a person should (or shouldn't) be.
Even though I get defensive, though, I really like the fact that I'm a little "different." Knowing you, I'm sure that you feel the same way. :)
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