Early Morning Smiles

I think I originally created the "can't sleep" label for posts so that I could keep track of the times that I couldn't sleep because I felt compelled to write. But these nights I can't sleep because it is my duty to be awake and feed my baby. And really, who could feel groggy or tired when there is such a happy, cute, wee person who wants to smile and "converse" with coos in the wee hours?

Two Months!

My little Snuggly Buggly is two months old! I was relieved to hear at her appointment today that she is growing on a consistent trajectory since birth. She's in the fiftieth to seventy-fifth percentile for just about everything in terms of size. I remember that when I took Sam to his two month appointment, though, I was shocked to learn that he had dropped in his weight from the fiftieth to seventy-fifth percentile down to the ninth percentile. I didn't realize back then that there was a problem with my milk supply and that my son was slowly starving. It's still painful to think about it. Only the day before that appointment I had posted some pictures on here, and I even mentioned that he was getting bigger - which didn't actually end up being the case, really. You can imagine how emotional and upset I was after that doctor's visit. We put him on formula right away and he quickly filled out.

Luckily, with Lucy, I haven't had a problem with my supply. I haven't really had problems with her at all. She is so great and cute and happy. And she already is getting some chubby cheeks and chubby thighs - they are so squeezalicious!

Visual Thinking

It's not surprising that I am a visual learner, given my career and interest in art. Even when I write things down, I think I remember them better because I can visualize what my handwriting looks like. My mind first thinks of the handwriting's appearance, and then I process and recall the significance of what is written. On our recent trip to Utah, I remembered the apartment number for my grandma's new place because I could visualize what I had written in the address book that I left at home.

So, when I came across this Muppet clip on "Visual Thinking" just the other day, I was really charmed. I love jazz music (similar to Jim Henson), so this clip's combination of jazz, visual designs, and Muppets really was up my alley:

Summer Recap

We have been really spoiled this past summer, since J has been able to be home with us for over seven weeks! J had four weeks of paternity leave, and then was able to tack on his three and a half weeks of accrued vacation time after that point. This is the first week that he has had to go back to work.

So much has happened over the past few weeks, that I feel like it's too daunting (and time consuming) to put everything down in a long post right now. Instead, I want to write down some short memories and thoughts from what I will remember about this summer:

Lucy the Angel Baby: She is a good nurser, a good sleeper, and a happy baby. She smiles and coos often when she is a awake, or just happily chills in a swing or bouncey seat. She often is even cheerful when we make her do "tummy time" on the floor. We love to hold her and snuggle with her. 

 

Sam the Angel Big Brother: Sam adores his little sister. He is really sweet and gentle with her. He loves to be around her and try and get her to smile. I feel like he's adjusted to this major change in our family really well. He also has been really helpful with grabbing diapers, giving Lucy her pacifier, etc. He also spontaneously makes little drawings and notes that say "I love Lusee" or "I love Lusy" (we're still working on spelling her name, but I love his phonetic attempt).

 The B family brothers came to visit with their families. Sam loved playing with his cousins at RB. Lucy was only two weeks old, so I spent quite a bit of time at home, but I did get to go out to RB and enjoy some lovely summer meals outside.

  My sisters' visit to Seattle: V,  C, and L came to help with baby Lucy. It was miserably hot that week, but it was still fun to be together. It was especially fun for Sam to have L with us, since they could play together all day long. They got to go a couple of places together, including the beach and the Family Fun Center. My "Ant Bee" and her son joined us for a two days too, and it was really fun to have them all here. It was especially helpful for my aunt to take Sam to the aquarium and market one day.

Sam played on his first t-ball team. He loved going to practice with his friend Grey, who was also on the team. It was fun to go to his t-ball games, especially since all of the outfielders would run in a herd (from wherever they were located in the field) to try and catch the ball. Lucy rooted for Sam from the sidelines for a few games, although most of her cheering took place with her sleepy eyes closed fast.

 Lucy and Soren cheered their siblings from the sidelines

We took Lucy on her first hike, to the Swamp Monster trail on Tiger Mountain.

 The Enchanted Forest! We took a quick trip to my favorite theme park one day. I was glad to show J this place, since he had never been before. I was glad that J found it as charming as I do. It was fun to see J and Sam go on all of the rides that I enjoyed as a kid, especially the log ride and the bobsled ride. Lucy was great on this trip. She slept the whole way to the park (3.5 hours!) and then slept while I carried her around in a Moby Wrap.

 

 We feel pretty lucky to live in a place where you can watch the Blue Angels practice cool stunts.

 We took a road trip to Utah last week, so we could go to the Weber and visit with family members. I hope to do a post or two exclusively dedicated to that trip, which I felt was a big success. Lucy even slept in a tent for four nights! When leaving for the trip and coming home, I was reminded of another way in which I am like my mom. Whenever we went on vacation, my mom tried to have the house completely clean before we left. Then, when we came home, there wasn't as much housework to do. As I vacuumed and scrubbed before our trip, and when I enjoyed the clean house as we walked in the door, I felt a fun connection with my mom.

Other thoughts:

• I read Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier for the first time. I loved the unexpected twists in the plot. I doubt this book would be as fun to read for a over and over, though, since there wouldn't be the same element of surprise. Plus, the protagonist leaves much wanting, especially through a feminist lens. She is a weak and uncertain creature, and her first name isn't even revealed to the reader! We only know her as Mrs. de Winter, which is fitting, since she seems to assume her identity and confidence through her husband. Nonetheless, I really liked the book, and I was especially interested to learn about how the novel was sparked by the author's own jealousy of her husband's first fiancée.
• J and I watched Hitchcock's Rebecca after I finished the novel. The movie was alright, but neither of us really liked Joan Fontaine or Lawrence Olivier in their roles. I thought that Joan Fontaine was too pretty to be Mrs. de Winter. And I also wished that the actress who played Mrs. Danvers would have looked a little bit more skeleton-like, to fit with the descriptions in the book.
• Rebecca was the first book that I read exclusively on my phone. It was really convenient to read while nursing, since I could hold the device in one hand. It also was convenient to read in the middle of the night, since I could keep the lights dim but have my phone illuminated.
• J and I watched the first season of Mr. Selfridge together. It was compelling enough, but both of us were a little unimpressed. I didn't feel like the characters were developed enough for me to genuinely care about them and their triumphs or problems. I would think that there are too many characters for the show to sufficiently focus on, but then again, I feel like Downton Abbey does a great job at developing many characters in depth. Anyhow, I think that I will stick with one more season before I write off the show altogether. Perhaps Harry Selfridge will be a little less annoying and a bit more redeeming in the second season?
• J watched several soccer games of the World Cup. We've never been big into watching sports, but it was fun to see a few games. Soccer is much more interesting to watch than other sports, I think.

Dancey Lucy

We are having so much fun with this little sweetheart in our home. She is so much easier to care for than Sam was at this age. She is good at nursing and sleeping, and isn't colicky like Sam was. Here she is, dancing and kicking away in her cute Mary Jane socks:

"The Beetles" and Muppet Show Beatles

Sam and I just discovered a compilation of clips in which Muppets sing Beatles songs. My favorites are the ones where "The Beetles" perform on Sesame Street, since I like the puns of "Letter B" ("Let it Be") and "Hey Food" ("Hey Jude"). I also like the "She Loves You" rendition performed by insects in a corn field:

Lucy Marie's Birth Story

She's here! Our baby arrived a few days ago. She was 19" long and weighed 7 lbs and 14 oz. We named her Lucy Marie. We were thinking of a few other names, including Elizabeth and Hannah Catherine (or perhaps spelled Hannah Kathryn), but we felt like Lucy was the perfect fit for this sweet little girl. Her middle name is the same as my mom's middle name, and I'm glad that we've given her a connection with my mother. She has a cute little round head and, for now, light brown hair. I think she has the same shape of lips as me. When I was born, my mom wrote in her journal that my two lips were of equal fulness, and I think that is a good way to describe Lucy's thin lips. They are thinner and more delicate than the lips Sam had at birth.

The day I went into labor, I woke up around 5:00 am with a light pink "bloody show," which indicated that something new and different was happening with my body. I had a few indications that things were happening before that point for a few weeks (loss of mucous plug, a tight uterine feeling when I walked or moved), but this bloody show was new. This trend continued throughout the morning, so I felt like something was going to happen soon.

Sam went to a friend's house to play that morning, so I went to the grocery store to pick up a few last minute items, in case I really did go into labor. Sam came home after lunchtime, and at that point my contractions were about 40 minutes apart. Sam and I passed the time by reading - and finishing - The Scarecrow of Oz together. We also made spirographs with a new kit that he got from friends for his birthday. Whenever I had a contraction, I would run off to the bathroom or go around the corner, so Sam wouldn't be concerned by seeing me in pain or uncomfortable.

Around 4:00 pm, I sent J a text to let him know that the contractions were 30 minutes apart. He decided to come home just after that point, and I'm glad that he did because things started to kick into a higher gear. The contractions started to be about six or seven minutes apart by the time he got home. In the meantime, Sam and I packed a bag so that he could have a sleepover at my in-laws' home. I was proud of Sammy - he was really proactive and went around picking out the things that he needed for the sleepover. I even worried after the fact that he had forgotten to pack his stuffed animal Spot (and we sent an emergency text to my in-laws), but it turned out that Sam already had packed another stuffed dog (Fluffy) to bring to the sleepover instead.

J and my father-in-law arrived at our house at about the same time. Sam left with my father-in-law, and J and I stayed home to eat some dinner. I wanted to labor at home as much as possible, so we stayed at home for another hour or so. I remember trying to grade a few submissions for an online class that I am teaching, and I remember joking after a contraction that I "just needed to write something about Bernini" before we could really make final preparations and go.

The last few contractions that we had at home started to get rather intense, so I asked J to press on my hips (a natural pain relief technique we learned on a YouTube video). It was amazing how much relief that technique provided. We ended up using that technique over and over throughout the next two hours or so. We left our home for the hospital around 7:45 pm.

When we got to the hospital around 8:00 pm, we found that the triage nurses did not have an open room in order to evaluate whether I actually was in labor. They asked us to wait in the lobby of the hospital Birth Center, and we ended up waiting there for about thirty minutes! My contractions were about three minutes apart at this point, and it was really awkward to labor in the lobby with other people milling about and sitting on the nearby chairs. We stood in a corner of the lobby, and I silently would lean over a chair when each contraction came. J would push on my hips to try and relieve some pain. He also would lean forward so that his forehead would touch my back, because I felt like it was comforting to feel his presence that way.

After thirty minutes, a triage nurse came out and apologized, saying that they still didn't have a room available to check me. She said, though, "We can tell that you are obviously in active labor, so we are just going to admit you into a hospital room right now." We waited a few more minutes for a nurse to come escort us to our room. As soon as we walked into the door, a big contraction came and I dropped down onto all fours (in the "cat pose" for yoga) to breathe through a contraction. After it was over, the nurse said, "You're welcome to labor in that position, but it would be much more comfortable if you did that on the bed." She tilted the upper half of the bed up at an angle, so that I could kneel down, facing the mattress, and rest with my forearms on the upper angle of the bed.

Our nurse was awesome and let me have the natural birth experience that I wanted. She had some good birth tips, too. She encouraged J to keep pushing on my hips, but to pulse his application of pressure with second-long intervals. While he did that, she encouraged me to sway my body back and forth, which I think helped to encourage the baby to descend (especially since I was at an angle, and gravity could help move the baby down). I said that I wanted to be as mobile as possible, so she didn't get me hooked up to an IV or anything. She even ran water in the tub for me, but my water broke before she even finished filling the tub. I also appreciated her direction and suggestions for breathing and pushing.

J was such an awesome birth partner. His application of pressure to my hips was the most helpful thing by far, but he also applied a cold compress to my head, which provided some relief and another form of sensory distraction for me. He was also great in encouraging me helping hold my legs still when the time came to push.

My water broke after we were in our hospital room for about thirty minutes, and then the baby was born about forty-five minutes after that! She was born at 9:52 pm, about two hours after we left our house for the hospital.

I feel like this whole experience has been so different from my experience with Sam. On one hand, my legs never shook uncontrollably. After all, I was able to stand in the lobby and labor for thirty minutes while on my feet! I actually could feel what my body was doing this time, too: I could feel the contractions, I could feel the urge to push, and I felt the pressure on my tailbone right before I felt my water burst. I felt like I had a better idea of how to push and where to direct my pushes too, especially near the end of the labor. I felt like I was in control of the experience, although my body also did some involuntary pushing before it actually was the time to push. I tried not to push, because my cervix was not quite ready, but I couldn't stop myself.

It was this involuntary pushing, actually, which changed the final part of the labor experience for me. After Lucy came out, the nurses put her on my stomach right away and cleaned her off while she lay on top of me. (I really appreciated this chance to touch her and snuggle her, especially since Sam was whisked away from me and I hardly got to see him or hold him.) In the meantime, the doctor started to stitch up an average-sized tear that occurred in the labor. I didn't stop bleeding, however, which made her realize that I not only tore outside, but I must have torn internally in my cervix as well. In order to stitch up this tear, the doctor said that I would need to have an epidural so that she could go further inside and fix the problem. SO, after all of the work of going through a natural childbirth, I ended up needing spinal anesthesia as well!

In retrospect, though, I still feel like I got the natural birth experience that I wanted. And, in truth, in some ways I didn't mind having an epidural after the fact in order to relax after the labor experience! The anesthesia also wasn't as strong as the epidural that I received for Sam's labor (I think that this time around they called it a "spinal block"?), so it only lasted for a few hours.

The small stint in surgery went well. My cervix tore only about a centimeter, so the doctor only needed to make two stitches. She says that the cervix is so vascular that it will quickly heal and be as good as new. My arms started to shake during the end of the surgery, but they calmed down soon after I was brought back into the room with Sam and Lucy.

Lucy is so sweet and little. I have been recovering well and I feel good. Just like with the labor experience, I feel like this whole newborn experience has been totally different than the one I had with Sam. Perhaps the change is because I'm more comfortable with my role as a mother. I had a hard time accepting motherhood when Sam was born. I also feel happy and content right now. As of yet, I haven't really had any "baby blues" or postpartum depression, like I did with Sam. Nursing is going well and I feel like I understood what I need to do in order to build up a good milk supply, which didn't happen with Sam. I also feel like I am less stressed out this time around. Lucy is easy to care for, which may be reflective of my own acquired knowledge of parenting. Or, perhaps she is an angel baby. I like to think so.

Below are some favorite pictures from the hospital and Lucy's first days at home. Sam has been a very cute big brother. He wanted to stay with us in the hospital room for hours and hours the next day. Even though he was bored in such a small room for so long, he didn't want to leave his baby sister. He loves to give her kisses on the forehead and talk about how cute she is.

Bonding with Lucy as she holds onto my finger

This was taken the first moment Sam saw his baby sister. I love that Sam has his hands clasped in such an adoring, excited way.

Sam wanted to get wrapped up "like a burrito" to be like Lucy

So far, Lucy has been called a few little nicknames. I like to call her "snuggle bug" or "lady bug." She has little bug decorations in her room and on some of her blankets, so I think it seems to fit. Sam and my in-laws gave her a little floral decoration in a pink Volkswagon Beetle (a "slug bug" or "love bug") when they came to the hospital. We'll see if this nickname ends up sticking.

It has been nice to spend these past few days at home relaxing, recuperating, and adjusting to this new change in our family. My in-laws have been really helpful with watching Sam, grocery shopping, meals, and caring for Lucy so J and I can nap. Sam has had some other day camp activities this week with some friends from his kindergarten class, which I think has been good for him. I especially want to make sure that this transition is easy on Sam and that he has a fun summer.