"We Can't Change That"

After a conversation with J last week, I have been working on generally being a less stressed and fretful person. I'm trying the idea of writing out the things that concern me at night, to see if that helps me to feel some type of mastery or relief of the issues that beset my mind during my waking moments. Then, I'm hoping that I can focus my mind and conversations to more pleasant thoughts. To be honest, this week (especially yesterday and today) it has been really hard. Last night I was up working until 3:00 am. I got a lot of work done that helped to alleviate my stress levels today somewhat, but this morning was full of unplanned activities that threw me for a loop. As we drove in the car, Lucy looked at my reflection in the rear-view mirror and we had this conversation:

Lucy: Mom, your eyebrows are down.
Me: Are they?
Lucy: Are you fwustwated [frustrated]?
Me: Oh, I guess that I am.
Lucy: Why?
Me: Well, I have a lot to do today.
Lucy: I'm sorry, Mom.
Me: And I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
Lucy: Well, we can't change that.

I chuckled at that last remark. It's true! I need to stop dwelling on things that I can't change and try and embrace the things that I can change. I'm glad that I had a flexible schedule today so that I could take Lucy to the doctor for an earache, and then immediately segue into helping my family members and a friend in need. And I'm grateful for my three-year old girl who is starting to have more mature conversations with me and share her perceptive observations.

Summer and Fall Garden

Hans Thoma, The Rhine near Säckingen, 1873

I got back from my trip to Germany about a week and a half ago, and I keep thinking of this painting that I saw in the Alte Nationalgalerie in Berlin. The green color of the field reminded me exactly of the green that I noticed when I drove through the German countryside. It is a distictly different color green than what I see in the PNW - the German green is brighter and a lighter value. And it has been a little depressing to come back to Seattle since my trip: my lawn is completely burned out and my summer garden flowers are fading and shriveling away. The green color of the German countryside is nowhere to be seen.

I was able to buy some mums and asters this week to try and rejuvenate the color of the garden for the fall months, even if just a little. The Belgian mums colors are: Prima White, Conaco Yellow, Urano Orange, and Granata Red. And the asters are Henry III Purple and Henry I Blue.

This week also been looking at photos of my garden from earlier in the spring, to remind me of happier times when the plants were thriving. TO be honest, I didn't love the assortment of flowers in my garden this year: I had to plant a lot of marigolds and geraniums (two of the flowers that I like the least), simply because the rabbits would not eat them. I also planted a lot of snapdragons this year, too, but I like those flowers. I also planted a few foxglove as well.

I also tried out a few new flowers, and I was excited that the bunnies left them alone. I planted some lithodora and a Rolly's Favorite Catchfly. For my birthday, Ixoj gave me some Calibrachoa plants which did quite well (and the rabbits left them alone!). Ixoj also gave me Coreopsis Curry Up which stayed green the whole season, but did not produce any flowers. I'm hoping that it just needed time to stabilize and that there will be flowers next year.

Lithodora

Rolly's Favorite Catchfly

Coreopsis Curry Up (the small green bunch in the center)

Calibrate plant (at the end of the summer season)

We had a really wet spring and a very sunny summer, so the plants really thrived this year. The red Lucifer Crocosmia plant got huge and was larger than it has ever been. The daisy plant also got really large and the wisteria finally began to climb across the top of the trellis and down the other side. The hydrangea on the side of the house has gotten really large too.

Daisies in early July

Wisteria across the top of the trellis (mid-July)

Hydrangea in early August

The other major change to our garden is that we had to put up a little green wire fence (about a foot tall) to keep our puppy Violet out of the flower beds. Violet can stick her head between the wires if she is determined, but for the most part she keeps out of the flowers.

UPDATE (09/16): Well, I don't think we will be planting asters in our yard again. Either a rabbit or a deer completely eradicated the Henry I Purple aster plant. All of the blossoms and leaves were chewed off today, down to the stems. Too bad!

Memorial Day Weekend: Bowen Island and Britannia Mine Museum

After leaving Capilano Suspension Bridge Park, we headed to the ferry terminal and took a ferry to Bowen Island. We have been wanting to go there for some time, especially since the island has such as great name!

On the ferry

We stayed at a charming cottage that was beachfront property. Lucy loved the mirror doors of the hallway closet, and she kept going in and out of them. She pretended that the closet doors served as a portal to Oz, and she kept going to visit different Oz characters. J and I joked that she was confusing the Oz closet with the idea of a Narnian wardrobe.

Throwing rocks on our private beach

Digging in rocks on our private beach

We went on two short hikes during our stay on Bowen Island. The first was a quick 1.5 mile hike to Dorman Point, which had a lovely overlook of the water.

Our second hike was after lunch, and we walked from Killarney Lake to Bridal Veil Falls. I think this was about a little over a mile hike altogether.

The kids loved jumping on the trampoline at the beach house

On Memorial Day, we took the ferry back to the mainland and headed to the Britannia Mine Museum before driving home. Sam wanted to go to this museum because he thought he could make some associations with the game Minecraft, but I don't think he really was able to make any good connections, Regardless, I'm so glad that we went here and I think that we all really had a good time. It was a little bit more expensive than I had hoped, but it was definitely worth it. The exhibits were really interesting, and I liked learning about what this mining community was like in the early 20th century. It was also fun to go inside the actual mine and the mill. I learned quite a bit about mining too. One thing that stuck with me is that the song "Sixteen Tons" is actually referring to the amount of rock that muckers were supposed to shovel and load in a ten-hour shift.

Waiting for the train to take us into the mine

The mill was huge! This photo doesn't even do justice to the vast space contained in this structure.

And then, we headed home. Lucy conked out after all that fun and slept for a good portion of the drive back home. She tends to only nap in the car now, which is unfortunate since she really could still use a nap each day. She often will fall asleep if we drive anywhere in the late afternoon.

Memorial Day Weekend: Burnaby and Vancouver

Our first full day in Canada was mostly spent in Burnaby and Vancouver. We visited a lovely park and farmer's market in Burnaby, and everything was walking distance from the Burnaby Village Museum. The museum recreates the appearance of a village in the 1920s, and volunteers are dressed in period costume throughout the site. The village was free and open to the public, and we all had a really fun time. I especially liked visiting the houses in the village and seeing all the interior decoration. We also had fun seeing places like the Printing Shop and the General Store.

"Riding" on the stationary trolley

This antique carousel was accompanied by music from a restored Wurlitzer organ!

After we left Burnaby, we headed to Vancouver and visited the Capilano Suspension Bridge Park. I was curious about this park because I noticed it when J and I spent our anniversary in Vancouver over a year ago; our bed-and-breakfast Thistle Down was just up the road from the park. It was fun to walk across different bridges and take little hikes in the area. We didn't have our hiking backpack for Lucy, which was unfortunate, but we managed alright by carrying her when her legs got tired of walking.

Sam was nervous on the suspension bridge, but he managed alright!

The Cliffwalk

Memorial Day Weekend: Car Ride and Stack-Ranks

We took a road trip up to Canada for the Memorial Day weekend. Our car drive was really fun, especially since we introduced Sam to Back to the Future and got to eat at a fun drive-in called Boomer's in Bellingham. The kids were thrilled that their food came in little cars, and Lucy was really taken with the idea that she got to eat her dinner in the car (which is funny, because she snacks in the car all the time).

On the drive, we played a fun "stack-rank" game that we invented. You basically compile a list of your favorite things by interrogating a person and asking one at a time, "Which is better? ______ or ________?" We picked a few themes for these lists, and here they are, ranked from best to worst:

Lucy: Princesses

--

Elsa

Moana

Belle

Cinderella

Sleeping Beauty

Ariel / Snow White

Rapunzel

Jasmine

Gizelle

Anastasia

Ana

Sam: Heroes

--

Harry Potter

Ron Weasly

Steve

Dumbledore

Chewbacca

Ewoks

Chirrut Îmwe (Rogue One blind guy)

Ash

Pikachu

BB8

Hermione Granger

Jyn Erso

K2SO

Batman

Emmet (Lego Movie)

Rey

Yoda

Cassian Andor

Poe Dameron

Baze Malbus

Monica: Artists

--

Van Eyck

Bernini

Michaelangelo

Vermeer

Van Gogh

Sargent

Waterhouse

Gerome

Caravaggio

Da Vinci

Manet

Monet

Hopper

Rembrandt

Aleijadinho

David

Jeremy: Movie characters/vehicles

--

Batman

Batman Tumbler

Darth Vader

The Delorian

X-Wing

Tim Burton Batmobile

Millennium Falcon

C3P0

R2D2

Number 5

Death Star

E.T.

Roger Rabbit

Marty McFly

Karate Kid

Mr. Miagi

Wesley, Princess Bride

Jeremy: Artists

--

Mark Rothko

Anish Kapoor

James Turrell

Agnes Martin

Josef Albers

Sol LeWitt

Franz Kline

Felix Gonzalez-Torres

Gerhard Richter

Ed Rucha

Joseph Cornell

Barnett Newman 

Sargent

Bernini

Richard Serra

I think these lists will serve ass a great memory of our interests at this point in our lives. The drive passed by quickly with this game, and we got to introduce Sam to Back to the Future while we waited to cross the border. Once we passed the border, we went to our motel and the kids got to swim in the pool.

Paintings of Étretat

My sister E got engaged to her boyfriend Taylor a few weeks ago! We are very happy for them and wish them great success and happiness in their future together. They got engaged on the cliffs of Étretat in Normandy, and I can't help but think of the 19th-century paintings of that same location.

Boudin, Courbet, and Monet stand out as the three main artists who really focused on painting Étretat (see some information about these artists and a nice compilation of some of their Étretat paintings here). Between October and December of 1885, for example, Monet painted nearly fifty paintings of the Normandy coast! I found a Pinterest compilation for some of the paintings created by Monet, but I don't like how those paintings are cropped in the compilation. I've highlighted some of my personal favorites by Monet, Courbet, and Boudin below:

Monet, The Cliff, Étretat, Sunset, 1883

Monet, Cliffs of the Porte d'Aval, 1885

Monet, Etretat, Cliff of d`Aval, Sunset, 1885

Claude Monet – Coucher de soleil à Étretat, 1883. Oil on canvas,  60x73cm. Nancy, Musée des Beaux-Arts

Monet, The Cliffs at Étretat, 1885. The Clarke Institute (Wikipedia has a darker image here, but I think that the Clarke Institute image is probably closer to the correct color)

Claude Monet Etretat, la porte d’Aval, bateaux de pêche sortant du port, around 1885. Oil on canvas, 60 x 80 cm. Dijon, Musée des Beaux-Arts

Courbet, Bay with Cliffs, c. 1869. Oil on canvas

Courbet, The Sea-Arch at Étretat, 1869. Oil on canvas 79 x 128 cm

Courbet, La Falaise d’Étretat, Van der Heydt-Museum, Wuppertal

Boudin, The Laundresses of Étretat, 1890 

(When writing this post, I was amused at this particular subject matter, because I should have included this painting in my "Washer Women" compilation on my art history blog! Ha ha!)

The "Mental Load"

My dearest friend Kelly just shared this article with me, which discusses gender roles and the "mental load" that women carry in relation to household and daily tasks. I do think that this article makes some broad generalizations about society's role in shaping gender and personality characteristics for each gender, but it raises some important points to consider. I feel very lucky to have married a helpful and proactive husband, but I think that both of us would agree that I still bear the majority of "mental load" necessary for running our household. This is partially due to circumstance (since I am at home more than J), but also because of my personality. J describes me as "fastidious" and I think I've become more fastidious since becoming a mother. I like to feel in control of my environment, which encourages me to have a heightened awareness of my surroundings and the tasks that need to be done. I also prefer to do smaller tasks on a regular basis, instead of having to focus on a pileup of tasks all at the same time. This is one way that J and I are different: he doesn't mind doing something at the last minute or waiting until a need is immediate. I also have a lower tolerance for clutter and dirt than J, so chores fill my "mental load" checklist on a more regular basis than they do for J.

That being said, I'm so glad that J knows how to help around the house and assume responsibilities without direction. Even though he isn't as bothered by clutter, he knows that it bothers me so he is  more sensitive to clutter on my behalf. I appreciate that he is a conscientious husband. And I want to make sure that I raise Sam in a way that naturally encourages him to avoid gender stereotypes and be prepared to assume the "mental load" for his adult life. And, if he chooses to share his life with someone or have a family, I want him to be prepared to equally share that "mental load" with another. So this article is prompting me to think about the way that Sam completes his chores. I typically assign him to a particular task, but I think I'm going to have him try to look around the house and determine where there is a genuine need for a chore to be performed.

My mom definitely was a person who assumed the "mental load" for our family. I think that this was part of her personality: she liked to assume control so that things would happen in the way that she wanted them to. I think a good portion of her "mental load" involved thinking about things that related to the health and physical well-being of herself and her family (particularly regarding food, cleaning products, or clothing with fabrics that didn't irritate her skin). My mom was busy during of her waking moments. I enjoyed seeing this picture that V showed me earlier this month, because it is a rare image of my mom sleeping (see below). I think I'm probably just a little bit younger than Sam in this photo. This picture is also appropriate, too, because my mom is sleeping on a brown silky pillowcase so that her skin wouldn't touch the cotton pillowcase.

Sometimes I wish I could ask my mom more about this topic of the "mental load" and gender roles now that I'm an adult: I wonder if she felt overwhelmed with the mental load or if she simply could prioritize and took the "mental load" all in stride. I also wish I could ask her what she why she opted for a more traditional division of gender roles when it came to household responsibilities. I have some good guesses as to what she would say, but I wonder if she would give me a more nuanced explanation to me, since I am now an adult with my own household.

I do know, though, that I could have been more aware of things that needed to be done around the house when I was growing up. I remember that I would spend time cleaning my room and organizing my own things (because that was an environment that I could easily control), but I typically would leave my dishes out and not put things away in the kitchen. And there were other small things that I wouldn't assume responsibility for, like replacing empty toilet paper rolls with a fresh roll. When I was growing up, it was common practice for everyone grab a new roll when necessary and simply leave it sitting upright on the back of the toilet (while usually just leaving the empty cardboard roll still in the hanger). When I was a newlywed, I remember J specifically had to ask me to start replacing the toilet paper by hanging the roll on the holder, and I was surprised to realize that I had acquired this quirk! Before that moment, it genuinely never crossed my mind that it was strange to leave the roll out until J pointed it out. It will be interesting to see what quirks (and, hopefully, good habits) Sam and Lucy develop as a product of their upbringing.