Considering Natural Childbirth

As the time gets closer for our new baby's arrival, I've been thinking more about what I would like the birth experience to be. In retrospect, I think that J and I weren't very well prepared for Sam's birth. I distinctly remember a moment when I was on the hospital bed, looking to J who was seated on my left, and we both looked at each other with wide, deer-in-the-headlights eyes. If J was mirroring the expression on my face, then we both looked scared more than anything else.

J went to a birth class before Sam's arrival, but it was kind of a joke. The most advice that we received (which the nurse repeated every few minutes) was, "Just get an epidural." I remember she went over breathing techniques for about thirty seconds but then just dismissed the information by saying, "But just get an epidural." I remember feeling quite frustrated when we left the class.

With Sam's birth, I wanted to try for a natural birth, but I don't think I did enough to prepare emotionally, psychologically, and in terms of mastering coping techniques. Granted, I didn't know what to expect. When we got to the hospital and I learned that I had to receive antibiotics for Group B Strep for several hours before Sam could be born, I knew that I would need an epidural in order to cope with the pain and preserve my strength. And the pain relief was amazing and welcome.

But, in hindsight, there are things that I didn't like about getting an epidural. I didn't like that I felt incapacitated and sedated - my lower body was reduced to deadweight. I remember being frustrated after Sam was born: he immediately was whisked off to the NICU to have his breathing monitored for two hours, and my bed was wheeled into an empty waiting room. I felt totally helpless at that moment, as I sat in that empty room and cried. I didn't even know where my baby and husband were located, and I couldn't reach them or go to them because I had no feeling or faculty in my legs.

When we left the hospital the next day, I remember complaining to my mom about a dull, but consistent, pain in my lower back. I thought that my back muscles were not used to carrying my body with a new center of gravity (since I had developed into different shapes over the past several months), but in retrospect, I think that the pain was a byproduct of the epidural. My mom was baffled by the back pain and suggested that I try and get some type of girdle to help center my flabby tummy and body weight. J watched Sam while my mom and I shopped for girdles at the mall (a very singular experience!). I think, though, that my mom might not have related to my back pain because she gave birth to all of her children naturally, although with my brother C she asked for an epidural but never felt relief (she thinks the tube might have been kinked, so that the drugs didn't enter her body).

Anyhow, my experience and the side-effects of getting an epidural with Sam have caused me to really want to try for a natural birth this time around. I don't know what will end up happening, of course, and I want to have an open and flexible mindset, but I would like to try and feel more empowered this time around. And, at least at this moment, I feel like I will be more empowered and in control of my body and birth experience without an epidural.

In order to prepare for a natural birth, I have been reading a few books. The one that has given me the most helpful tips for coping techniques and mental preparation is Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, by Ina May Gaskin. These are some of the suggestions and points that I jotted down as I read the book:

• Singing can help relax the body, as well as the horse-lips blowing technique (to help one expel air with a consistent air flow). I like both of these ideas, since I have been singing and using the horse-lips technique for vocal warmups during this whole pregnancy. Part of me thinks that I should bring some very "singable" and comforting soundtracks with me to the hospital - Les Misérables immediately comes to mind, since I've loved that soundtrack since I was about eight years old.
• Massages can also help with relaxing.
• Some ways to open sphincters: slow, deep breathing, a comfortable environment, and laughing
• The body and the mind are connected together: verbal statements (either made by the woman in labor or by others in the room) can sometimes affect the way that one's body reacts.
• Repeating ideas or phrases in your mind can help the labor to progress (going back to the mind-body connection). One woman relayed how she kept thinking "I'm going to get huge!" in her mind over and over, and Gaskin reported that this woman's cervix opened up to an astonishing size.
• Being able to move freely about can help one to cope with contractions
• Hydrotherapy: a warm bath can relax muscles
• Gaskin writes about one woman she worked with who had an attitude of being grateful to be in labor - she was grateful and willing to surrender to the rushes brought on my the contractions. I hope that I can have a similar attitude - I would rather have a grateful attitude of anticipation and excitement than be scared of what my body is doing.

J and I have been talking about some of these coping techniques and ideas together, so that J can be informed and ready to help support me. We have also been looking over the books Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn and The Birth Partner: A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Doulas, and All Other Labor Companions. We still need to prepare further and refine our birth plan, but I'm glad that we are thinking about things now. I feel like, if things go according to plan, this birth experience will be much more of a collaborative and calm experience for me and J than the first time around. We'll see if I'm right!

Does anyone have any more coping tips or general advice for someone who is seriously considering a natural birth? I'm interested in all kinds of tips, but I'm particularly looking for ways to deal with the "fight or flight" body reactions that I had last time (i.e. uncontrollable shaking in my legs and nausea).