Things I Never Thought I'd Say

My phone dramatically and suddenly died the other week. I've been getting by alright with a replacement phone, but I am sad that I've lost some of the files and photos that were on my old phone. One thing that I lost was a list of bizarre things that I've said to Sam over the past year or so. Each of these quotes came about when I was trying to teach Sam some type of lesson or truth. When I think about these quotes objectively and out of context, they're quite amusing. I've remembered some of the quotes I recorded on my old phone, but I'm sure that there were others that I can't recall. I thought I'd better record what I do remember here:

- "Boogers are the poop of your nose. Do you want to eat nose poop?!?"

- "If you want to have friends, you need to wipe your bottom."

- "We don't wear two pairs of underwear [at the same time] in our family."

- "We don't squish other people's vitamins."[This one was said just last night, when I commented that the capsule for my fish oil supplement was rather squishy. Sam asked if he could hold the supplement to see for himself, which prompted my response.]

A few months ago my friend sent me a compilation of other bizarre and humorous things that parents have found themselves saying to their children. These quotes are accompanied with cute illustrations.

I suppose this is an appropriate post to write, given that today is Mother's Day. On some level, these quotes are a silly indication of how I am a mother. In a way, too, some of these quotes also indicate how my mother would teach things to me: she often spoke in the second person when endorsing or discouraging behavior by saying "We don't [insert an action] in our family" or "We do [insert an action] in our family."

What types of bizarre and humorous things have you said to children - either your own or someone else's?